| ex getting remarried | Hot Conversation |
My ex is getting remarried this Saturday and I was not prepared for the flood of emotions I experienced. I felt I have “dealt” with all the emotions and have gone through forgiveness for what he did. It threw me. We have been divorced for 3 years after 30 years of marriage. He is marrying the woman he left me for (his secretary).
Posted in family & relationships, other topics.
Related posts:
15 Responses
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I got before and after pics copied and pasted in the reply box and tried to post, but the only things that shows up is the text I typed, not the photos.Thanks May & Janice for all your helpful comments. I really appreciate them.
May - for the longest time, I said to myself that I will never want any plastic surgery done and that I will accept my body for what it is. Like many typical wome
My before pic.
I got my after pic copied here. this is at about a month after surgery. Still a little swelling to lose, but getting better every day. I will try to post my before pic, too.
I now have some before and after pics I'd like to post for you but can't seem to figure out how to post them side by side. May be having a blonde moment. Can you tell me how to do that?
Oh, sweetie…..I am so sorry….I can only imagine the myriad of emotions you are experiencing.
I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse. I haven’t forgiven him for that (long story).
Do you have friends you can talk to about this?
My x has a girlfriend and I have often thought of this scenario.
The disrespect that we as women have endured because of men who have no morals or value systems, who are selfish and violating!
Love and hugs, Alicia
Your Ex is a nasty man and his new wife is one too. I do not care what anybody says. I do not think we will ever get over the flood of emotions that seem to cripple us when we are trying so hard to move on with our lives. I have only been separated for 6 months, not divorced yet and if he wants one, he will have to ask me for one and do all the required paperwork to get one. My ex has a girlfriend over 3 weeks after I moved out. Seeing them together was devastating. Every friend of mine reminds me tha he is a nasty man and she too. We have been married for almost 30 years.
I have a long way to go dealing with all the raw emotions. Talk to your family. Talk to friends. Go and spend some time with your friends. Try not to be alone this weekend. Keep telling yourself that he is not worth it. Seriously, like Alicia said, the disrespect we get from our Ex is criminal. I still do not get how we can be discarded so easily after so many years of marriage. What we give up to put our lives on hold to raise children, go without, scrimp and save and at the end of it all, all that seem to mean nothing to our exs. They are selfish with no morals.
His new wife should be keeping an eye on him. He can do that to her what he did to you.
Hugs and chin up.
Amen to all that! 36 years marriage for me before it all fell apart and I was essentially discarded. It was final 2 years ago after a year-long acrimonious divorce.
He’s remarried now, so I understand those emotions. I’m trying to get the house we lived in ready for sale, and then sell it, so I can move on too. Just when you think you’re doing okay, the exes will slam a zinger your way. I’m finally learning not to be reeled in by his passive manipulations that always end in his aggressive barbs. How could we have lived so long with these men, had their children, raised them, given up a real career for all that only to be tossed aside with no concern for our future just because they want a do-over. I wanted a do-over many times!
Now I’m trying to do what I always wanted to do. Started a blog writing with humor about everyday life with a friend. Writing a mystery series, the first novel in that series is done, and we’re putting on our blog in segments. We have one comtemporary fiction novel complete.
So at 64, I’m reinventing myself. We’re not alone. We can survive and thrive, but it takes time.
It would be so much better if our brain could control our emotions! This is going to trigger all your emotional hot spots certainly. I can only repeat some wise advise given to my sister when she heard that her ex was going to remarry AND that they were expecting a baby. She phoned a friend for help and understanding and got both. The friend asked her if she was feeling this way because she wanted her ex back or because she was mourning all the things he was not and she wanted him to be. ( He was not a nice man, lied, cheated and stole from her and really inflicted damage to her self worth). She replied that she did not ever want him back and yes, maybe it was the ideal marriage she carried in her head, that she was upset about. She said this really helped her a lot when she started thinking about it because she would never want HIM back in person. Don’t know if this will help you but it really affected how she was thinking.
And I agree. Get out with friends or at least do something just for you on the weekend.
I can tell you that nothing, no one and no thoughts or comments will ever make me feel any better about what happened to me. Our feelings aren’t right or wrong, they simply are….It is about grieving loss. The loss of what should have been. THe right to expect love, support, and having a “soft place to fall.” The right to be celebrated and made to feel like you are/were the most important person on earth……It has been 8 years for me, and it hasn’t gotten any better.
Add to that, my church who voted me out of membership…that anniversary is coming up on my birthday Sept. 29th.
Hugs and Love, and talk, talk, talk…..write…..on that day find a friend to go out with and do something you love
Happy Birthday!!!!! Mine was yesterday.
Once a cheat, always a cheat. He will most likely do it to her too. Don’t let him win this by feeling bad. Rejoice because he is gone, and you are now free to do as you wish.
Go out on Saturday, go shopping with a friend, go to a movie, dinner, and celebrate that you are who you are, and proud to be that person.
Yup, it feels awful. I’ve been there. The good thing is that I”m not there any longer and you won’t need to be either. I was luckily in China at the time and so I wasn’t exactly sure what time I should be feeling awful. Actually, with the international date line, I wasn’t even sure of what day, but that doesn’t really help you. There were times that I found it was better not to fight the sad feelings but to acknowledge them without wallowing. Me, I’d treat myself to a deluxe massage and a mani/pedi all in one day.
Thankyou .thankyou so much for all the replies. I was really happy to see that I am not totally off base here! And yes.while it is true that I did not really want him back after all that has happened,if was sort of a matter of “what might have been” – especially after so many years of marriage. I am so cross with him -he has deprived me of a 50th anniversary like my parents had,and for not being willing to go the distance. (and the ego got a battering as well,I think!) I have an idea that if it was that easy to bail for us,he might get the same feeling this time around if things do not work out for his narcissistic self.
I did not sit and mope alone at home – spent wonderful time with friends and family,where I could bare my soul in a supportive environment and felt totally liberated afterwards.
Love,Lynette
well done you for getting over this. if this gives you hope my x is now on his fourth wife …..he can’t eat enough wedding cake. laugh out loud and yes i have got married again myself so do not give up as there are good men out there. i do understand how you were feeling though. the best thing you did was be with friends and you will come out of all of this the better person!
I too had the same emotions when my ex remarried. And I was stunned at the depth of my anguish! There is no WAY that I would take back my EX. Several comments here sum up the conflict that I felt. I agree with Lynnette - It is a ” matter of “what might have been” – especially after so many years of marriage. I am so cross with him -he has deprived me of a 50th anniversary like my parents had,and for not being willing to go the distance.” And Alicia’s comments about the disrespect because of no moral and values is so correct.
Thanks for sharing!
My instinct is that it is jealousy that reared up for me. I was certain “she” would get what I had hoped for. Ha Ha not a chance. I finally realized that I likely got the best of him that was available. Anything or anyone else would be treated equally awful. “He” was incapable of doing any better. It did not stop the jealousy and anguish until I realized his incapabilities.
When my ex (33 yr. marriage) got remarried of course there was the jealousy thing.
But as I was devoted to staying away from him with no contact whatsoever, especially that he knew nothing about what or how I was doing and BTW he phoned my friend and told her so he was sure I would know, so after the initial reactions that everyone has described, I stuck to my policy of indifference and realized he wasn’t my problem any longer and the new wife was stuck with him. His time would now be occupied with Gas Lighting someone else. I am grateful to the new wife for taking the burden off me. Indifference is the friend of the betrayed. When you can achieve that you’re golden and life becomes much better.
So true. Indifference is the absolute best revenge. I think these exes want so badly to shove their new lives in our faces that they’ll stop at almost nothing to force their lives into our psyche. I finally quit falling for the bait. You know, that e-mail or phone call that lures you in, makes you think you still matter in some way then when you respond, you get sucker punched with a rant on his wonderful new life and a no comment on anything important you share. Forget it sisters, the sharing is over. We gave them enough years. Let’s keep what we have left for ourselves and whomever we choose to include!
I absolutely agree with the indifference thing -has made all the difference for me,one month after the wedding. Can truly say that it does not matter one way or the other any more,BECAUSE : I had his best years,his remarriage sounds very much like a rebound thing -really,what a cliche to marry your secretary! And soon the honeymoon period will be over ,and when the novelty has worn off,he will revert to his old nasty self. I actually feel for the new wife!
And there is also the silent revenge thing -she will always know that she also married an ex wife -we have children together so whether she likes it or not,she is stuck with me as well -LOL!!!(and seeing as he is still busy with paying every last cent of our divorce settlement – no kindness from my side about that – she has to wait in line….)
BTW,I never reply to any of his e-mails,for self protection. As Maryanne said”the sharing is over”.Better not to get sucked in.