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divorce after 38 year marriage Hot Conversation

I live in a state that has no fault divorce laws..Division of assets/debts/pension would be  50/50..I am the one that wants the divorce..I am living behind a huge wall of fear though..I am recently retired and  am living on a modest pension income..I have moderately severe health issues which were my reason for taking retirement..I was of retireable age and years of service.. My health issues prevent me from going back to work full time…My husband is voluntarily unemployed.He refuses to find work, and he knows  that I want a divorce..He is addicted to internet porn and a memeber of multiple dating sites..He had an affair which I found out about, he he has been unremorseful and blames me and the marriage for his choice to have the affair…As a result of his attitude we have been separated.. We still live under the same roof in our jointly owned house that has been paid off..I was considering the idea of staying in the home and staying married to him until death do us part..The problem with that decision as I see it is that he has a past criminal record( arrest happened when our kids were babies).. I would have to live with myself for giving up and staying with a useless unremorseful cheating douchebag… I also have a slight fear of him doing/buying something behind my back that I would be partially liable for..

I can’t see how I am going to get out of this marriage via divorce without my husband taking me to the cleaners..He will make a claim for alimony and 1/2 of my pension, leaving me unable to support myself unless I go back to work full time.. Any advice or sharing of your stories welcome..

Posted in family & relationships.

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11 Responses

  1. Generic Image ShirleyF says

    Consult a divorce attorney and have them calculate exactly what your position post divorce would be. If you are willing to accept a smaller home by forcing the sale of the existing one, would that work? Surely better to get him out of your hair. Does he not have assets you would be half entitled to? If you are afraid of him spending money recklessly then that will only get worse. Stay tough!

    4 like

  2. She Cat She Cat says

    Yes, consult a lawyer, and ask the lawyer if its legal to have a keylogger installed onto your husbands computer to verify or not that he has porn on it. It might be useful when the divorce comes up…

    Hey, we need all the ammunition we can get at times like this. Good luck…

    4 like

  3. Generic Image doggiediva says

    I  didn’t need a key logger, husband accidentally left his browser open one day before leaving the house..I printed out all of the e-mails and kept them in a safe place..I showed these e-mails to 2 of the 5 lawyers I consulted..Both said that they were inadmissible as evidence because we live in a no fault state.. Lawyers did mention that I could use the printed e-mails as blackmail in negotiations..All of the lawyers told me that husband would be entitled to part of my pension, and savings and 1/2 interest in our house that we own jointly..House is very small about 1240 square feet..Husband is unemployed, no assets, savings or pension..

    2 like

  4. Generic Image doggiediva says

    I have tried being obnoxious and very hard to live with in hopes of getting him out of the house and my hair, but that didn’t work, lol..

    5 like

  5. jeannie jeannie says

    doggiediva – I live in Florida which is a no fault divorce state. Everything that was accumulated during a marriage has to be divvied up 50/50. Unfortunately, he has nothing but the house to offer you. Because of your health situation he may not be entitled to all your pension, your lawyer can advise you on that but ultimately it’s up to the judge. I don’t know what your state laws are but you are not separated (in any state) as long as you live together. Good luck :)
     

    2 like

  6. Generic Image doggiediva says

    There is no such thing as a legal separation in my state..The only way I can get husband out of the house is to force him out..He refuses to leave..I would have to file for divorce and get temporary orders including a restraining order..

    I feel somewhat better after retirement, it was killing me to get up at 0330 in the morning, work long shifts(12+ hours) and not get home until 7 pm..I hated having to deal with my back problems /left leg numbness/pain while at work..I got sick and tired of being on my feet all day and husband got to sit at home all day..

    I felt like a door mat in the extreme sense of the word…

    Now that I am retired I am making sure that I send the message to husband that household funds will be much tighter , if he needs to buy something than he has to come up with the money…Thank goodness I have had my own bank account for the last 6 years..All of my pay checks went into this account and now my pension gets direct deposited in this account.I have been the one to dole out any money needed for food..Husband is a dependent on my health insurance..

    I had been fairly isolated for many years, just work, come home, eat, sleep, go back to work..I have been living in retirement for the last few months, so I have the time and a bit more energy to work on forming a network of friends…Once I have this accomplished to my satisfaction, I see myself as having less fear in moving forward in filing for divorce..

    3 like

  7. Generic Image Sandi says

    Right now you are supporting him plus you live with him!  Divorce and at least you don’t have to live with him!  Attorneys have told you that a part of your pension and half the marital assets will go to him.  That is fact; nowhere does it say you will have to pay him alimony!  He may have to find a job and after divorce you will not have to cover his medical insurance. Your peace of mind and your self esteem are worth getting him out! You will have a new beginning rid of him.

    4 like

  8. Generic Image Kent says

    Definitely get a divorce. You need a legal wall between you and him. My friend was in a similar situation when her husband starting bringing women home with him! Into her house! He also started to sell my friend’s possessions when she cut off his money. Protect yourself legally. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

    2 like

  9. Generic Image Anonymous says

    I live in no fault state too. A friend was in similar situation. She gave her children gifts of $ before she left the deadbeat husband and they kept the $ for her til divorce was final then got it back.

    2 like

  10. Generic Image Liz says

    “Consult a divorce attorney and have them calculate exactly what your position post divorce would be.” -ShirleyF
    YES!
    And a restraining order would get him out of the house! He is abusing you….RIGHT?
    Savings? Spend it! Buy gifts for your kids. Or buy lots of clothes, shoes. You can always return them unused to get cash to stash. Or Buy a new car… for cash. Debt is bad right. You are out of debt right? If not, pay off all debt with your savings.
    With a guy like this divorce is an absolute necessity. You are legally responsible for all his debts right now and any he might decide to run up to torture you.

    0 like

  11. Generic Image Anonymous says

    call your credit card companies and close the accounts. Then you can apply for a credit card only in your name if you even need one. Since the bank acct is in your name only he shouldn’t have access to it. Then get rid of his lazy ass!

    1 like

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