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Divorce after 19 years Hot Conversation

Less than a week ago my husband of 19 years approached me about a separation after an argument over something petty.  We talked about it, said we love each other and that divorce or separation would never be discussed again.  Last night, once again after a spat about nothing, he stated that he wanted a separation.

I am not trying to put all of the blame on him but he definitely is not a good communicator and we are really very different.  I met him at a time in my life when I was struggling with an addiction – I know that I put him through a lot.  I have been drug free for over 16 years now.  It wasn’t until I got off the drugs that I realized how different we are, by then we had two children and I felt obligated to stay in the marriage. I grew to love him and I honestly believed that he loved me – even though often times his behavior shows otherwise – He is not a very affectionate person by any means.  In the beginning he was – he is not educated and I have since gotten a MBA and presently working towards a degree in accounting.

He now states that he feels like he is in jail and that a separation would be best.  I have been committed to this marriage and if I am guilty of anything it is giving too much!  I work a full time job, earned a BA and MBA attending online courses.  I cook a full course meal every day, I do the laundry, I pay all of the bills, and I take care of my 2 year old granddaughter who is hearing impaired.  Our children now are 19 and 16.  My 16 year old is devastated about all of this.

He-gets off work, stops and gets beer, showers, eat dinner   in his man-cave and watches TV (westerns or old movies) until way past bed time.  For years now, I have complained and asked that we find some time to spend together, that we have a date-night at least once a month – and he is just not interested in doing anything other than watching westerns and drinking beer.  As of late he started hanging with some neighbors who race cars and started going to the motorsports center with them.  He wants to do this every Friday and recently told me that he is planning to go to a football game with the guys for the weekend.  He states that he is not happy and has not been happy for a long time.

I am devastated – I feel like someone just put a stake in my heart.

Posted in family & relationships.

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45 Responses

  1. Clear Skies Clear Skies says

    It’s sad. I too paid all the bills. Place his responsibilities on my shoulder and carried out my own responsibilities as a wife and mother. After 26 yrs, I became single again. My world collapsed around me. He took whatever he wants and like and left ‘”rubbish” for me to clear. Thanks to my working colleagues, friends and my sisters, I picked up the pieces and move forward. It’s been 3 yrs now and I’m much happier. It’s a blessing in disguise. I’m much better without him. You will survive dear.

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