| Dating for 16 years | Hot Conversation |
We’ve been dating now for 16 years. Were not living together & we see eachother on weekends. Not once did he ask me to marry him & wondering if he will ever ask me. What should I do, wait or end the relationship?
DejaNew
Posted in family & relationships, love & sex.
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What do you want to do? Is there an advantage for you to marry him? It seems pretty clear that you want him to ask you to marry him. Would you say yes without any doubts or concerns? Are you thinking that you should get married just because it’s the thing to do after so long? When you have a very precise answer for yourself, then I would have a talk with him just to find out what his intentions are. If yours and his intentions for a future permanent relationship are not the same, be prepared to respond and state your wishes and don’t back down. Write back and declare yourself to us for practice. There’s lots of supportive ladies here at VN.
I have been dating someone for six…..I sometimes want to get maried and sometimes not…he has not asked but has made it clear that it is more for young people who still have children, want children, etc. I am ok without it tho’, just the rest of the world always thinks I am not complete without that aspect. Well I was married for 29 years and this current relationship is everything that wasn’t, so a piece of paper and some legalities didn’t make it any better. We have a great time together, we laught together, have great sex and a lot of adventure in our lives. We aren’t rich, actually rather on the low end financially, but we are always actively doing something. I feel for the first time I have a true partner in life….I know he loves me and he knows I love him, we aren’t searching and are very committed…if you can say all that then I say after 16 years if it going well, let it be. That’s what I’m doing….Oh and also. I am self-supporting and so is he…..we do not mingle expenses or bank accounts–and we do live together so that helps…it does sound as if you want more..I will add I wasted 5 years in a relationship prior to this one and wish I had moved on when I was a little younger….I guess I would not be happy with a weekend relationship. Do you live in the same town?? If so it seems like a little more togetherness might be in order.
PS — if you are waiting for him to ask after 16 years, it probably won’t happen….why don’t you ask him, then you will have an answer in very short order..
I did ask him & he just laughed at me & says why change a good thing & legalize it.
DejaNew
We are very independent of one another. We live even seperate provinces (Ontario/Quebec) 1 hour apart & he works in Quebec & doesn’t want to change. We also have a great time together. He is very good to me & I truly can’t ask for anything better.
DejaNew
Good for you. You have resolved all your misgivings about your relationship and it seems completely content to continue it. It doesn’t sound like dejaNew has all her expectations met and needs answers.
Thank you for your support. He doesn’t want to change what we have, so to except living that way.
DejaNew
But are YOU satisfied? I don’t think you would have posted the question if you were. Can you talk to him honestly about your feelings?
- Joan
Honey, it doesn’t sound like you can accept this whole arrangement. If I were you I’d dig a little deeper into my feelings and figure out why I posted this thread. I think you think you need more. When we enter into a relationship we take into that relationship lots of baggage from out past. Your discontent may be nothing more than “old” tracks in your brain that are telling you this isn’t right. Well what we thought we knew about how life should be 20 years ago doesn’t always ring true today. But for some reason we continue to live up to some crazy idea of how it’s suppose to be. And we go about trying to satisfy that notion and just end up messing up what’s already good for us. So maybe you should keep talking about it with VN and someone will hit on a thought that will be your truth and guess what? The entire issue will dissolve away.
Your absolutely right, thank you for taking the time out in helping me out. He loves what we have & doesn’t want to change.I’m not sure what will happen, as long as were happy together.
DejaNew
i agree!!!!
It’s hard not to sound mean in this situation, but 16 years? If he’s had the life of a marriage outside of actually getting the peice of paper to confirm one, why should he get one NOW? You need to do what makes you happy, because giving him an ultimatum will cause a lot of pain…I can tell you this from experience, sorry.
be careful what you ask for, you may get it. Why kill a good thing? Why would you end it? Marriage is over rated!
I see your point, but putting the marriage issue aside, is seeing one another on weekends enough in a relationship? Personally, I would not be satisfied with it. I found that out after being in a relationship that has now ended recently. I agree with a previous poster that DejaNew would not have posted this thread if she was satisfied in the relationship. I think this is more than an issue of marriage. Is she being fully satisfied in this relationship? Seems there are doubts for DejaNew.
living one hour apart is like a daily commute in NYC and Miami. It is practically nothing. So if more time together is what she needs then she should say that and leave the marriage thing out. Maybe living together will make DejaNew happy? Don’t know, now that you brought that up i am wondering…
do you trust him?