OMG – I just rec’d a Christmas card from one of my husband’s friends -included inside was the dreaded Christmas letter.
AHHHHHHH – let me sum up my year – husband died, lost my job. Which they knew about.
But for some reason these people thought that I would love to hear about their world travels, how she can retire next year – how wonderful their kids are – and the glorious trravels they have planned for next year.
These letters drive me nuts on my best day.
Am I being a total b–ch?
Lynn
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I hate those letter.. Why do people always think they are being social with those insensitive letters?? I also have family (hubby side I should add) That write a copied letter to tell us and everyone else how great and this is the one I really like BLESSED like we are not because we are of middle income and still working with no plans of retiring in the near future. No you are not being a b@$&*
Sorry for your losses Hang in there Sending a prayer your way..
OMG. I really hate these letters. I despise them almost as much as I despise the broadcast emails that say “send this to 49 people and you’ll get something good by tonight!!!!!” We get a letter from my cousins second wife. She talks about her year, her kids, her everything. I’ve never met her (they live in Oklahoma) and I have no clue who her children are. For me it’s not about being a b—ch. It’s about “if you haven’t kept in touch with me all year,” don’t send me your accolades notice or your bad news bulletin. Maybe in our Christmas card to them, I’ll include a letter that talks about how many letters I received about nobody.
The last one I received was so involved with their college kid and my husband asked if we ever hear from them throughout the year yet every Christmas letter is about this kid. And a picture to boot. I never bothered to read it and tossed it in the “pile”. This year we sent to those we received from last year only. It’s getting smaller. Yeah!
I am wondering though how you would feel if you didn’t receive any kind of letter from people who you know in the past always send them? Then there would be that consideration.
Sorry for your loss. This is a hard year for you and my heart goes out to you. God bless.
I love the humor in your topic despite the year! No you are not a b-tch. I believe this topic should go on the list of “age has its privileges” There has to be some point where we can just be honest! Yes bad manners, they did not acknowledge and or inquire about your year. I am wishing you well. A confession and I can’t believe I am publishing this statement! I secretly love getting those types of Christmas greetings! I am the second of sixteen children (single births) and my parents celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary in September. I am sure you can imagine how practical the “Newsletter” greetings are smiles. I am not sure how to explain but… I love idea that my friends and family are having a great year! The news of graduations, marriages, babies, retirement, having a job or getting a job and sharing with me all make my day! A disclaimer, I have learned something important since turning 50, everything is age and time related. I am still learning at 55 and it is very possible that my personal feelings on this topic will change smiles.
Hi Laura, I actually like getting them also! I get them from old, but dear friends and family that I don’t usually hear from much during the year, so if I can hear about their year, good and bad, at least once (at Christmas) I feel privileged. With me good friends, are always friends, no matter if we hear or see each other or not. We just pick up where we left off. Same with family. I don’t have any expectations or grudges, because I love them and know they are busy, like me. I wasn’t always this way, but with age, I believe that I have grown as a person, and still growing into the person that I want to be. =]
My favorite relationships ”we can just pick up where we left off”! Have a good New Year!
Dear Lynn,
Please forgive those who are so taken up with their own affairs that they dismiss your troubled times without taking care to express their wishes to you for better times to come. Life is so complicated these days that we tend to overlook the kind words that someone like you may need to hear or read. Many of us are going through our own version of hell, so discount the wound we open for others. This is not right, but it happens. As you get older, so will they. Only when Life’s odd twists and turns put them in your choes will they understand the needs of someone who has lost the life he or she cared about. Those times will come to them in a surprisingly quick time, and they won’t be able to cope with the business of others around them, any more than you can. Life has its ups and downs, and you will regain some of the joy in life that you miss. It may be a very different type of joy that you experience, but it will be there. If you can forgive them, you will have regained what is, I am sure, an inate part of yourself that you still hold to be your character. They may even feel regret that they were thoughtless in their lack of understanding about where you are right now. It may not change how you feel about them, but in understanding that sorrow comes to all of us at one time or another, you will feel less hurt and more proud of the way you took what seemed to be heartless behavior from them, because you will understand it and forgive. Much as we get upset when alone and having our needs ignored, we do recover by finding the strength we need in ourselves, not the reflections of others. I wish you have better times to come. You will find them within your own heart. Carole
Carole:
My husband passed away on January 16th – and one of my first sane thought – ( when you first hear this news I feel a type of insanity takes over your thoughts) was – what will we do about Christmas.
So for 11 months I have obsessed about this Christmas. My Dad passed away in July/01 – and Christmas that year was a disaster. My Mom started the day by calling us first thing in the morning sobbing, by the time we got to her house she was drunk, falling down and just a wreck. It was a complete disaster. Because of this I vowed that this Christmas would be as “normal” as I could make it.
This is the state of mind I have had all year. As I look back I know it wouldn’t have mattered if they sent me “the letter” or not I would have had an issue with it. If they hadn’t sent it I would have miffed because I was missed. I had put so my pressure on myself that on Christmas day my legs were shaky all day, yesterday they were so bad I didn’t know if I should drive.
I have discovered that – as you said – some people do not realize how their actions effect others. How can they if they haven’t been here. Some friends have treated my grief with an open heart and mind. They tell me they don’t have a clue of what I am going through – but are there to listen, to hug and to cry with me. Other friends have ignored my grief – the – if I don’t think about it or talk about it – it doesn’t exist method – one friend told me to just think of my husband as being away on a trip. It must be a hell of a trip he hasn’t called once.
There is so much pressure on “the first year” – does this mean on January 17th I will wake up no longer feeling sick to my stomach - I won’t reach out for Sam through the night and wake up in a panic because I can’t find him. Society allows us a year to get our act together – and then after that we are expected to be the back to our old selves. But that person no longer exist – she died the day her husband did. This new Lynn – well I am still trying to get to know her – some days she is just nuts – other days I can begin to understand her.
Carole – thank you for your encouraging and insightful message. I know I expect too much of the people around me – half the time I don’t know what I want - how can I expect others to know. Thank you for showing me the “other side” of how people act the way they do. Your message meant a lot to me.
Although I don’t know if I will ever like “Christmas Letters” – I will try to look at them in the spirit they were sent.
Lynn
Best wishes through the tunnel of the coming weeks, April18. It won’t be over on Jan 17, but you will have come through the first, most difficult year. Hope you come to love the new Lynn, even if she can sometimes be a nut. Sending hugs your way.
Lynn,im always happy when people send me such letters.
{Of pleasent things]. Maby next yr. an illness may cansel their plans forever.
I hate ,geting one from a person .CAUSING and fussing about everyone & everything.