After divorcing their father in 2000, my teenagers went to live with the jerk and his mistress 2 years ago. I remarried and I know the new home, step father and new schools made a difference, but the X also lived in a different town! He basically bribed them to live with him, and then, after the nasty divorce, we got into a nasty custody battle. I finally let them go, as that was what the kids thought they wanted. I am now finally enjoying being teenager free, but my heart seems it will be forever broken! I actually feel different towards my kids now, and dont want to be involved with all that they are doing as I am missing it all. I talked to them weekly and see them e/o weekend. Please dont suggest that I drive there to see their games/plays and etc…it is a 4 hr drive one way and I am just NOT in their lives anymore.
I would just like to hear from others who have gone thru this and how they coped with it, not advice from those who have never been thru this, but think they should tell me what to do!
THANKS!
Yes I get that you meant in the work place, not dating. But the original poster did use the example of Julia Roberts getting what she wants from a man by using her femininity. I don't see that as strong. As you know she was a hooker? This comparison 
My story is a little different. I am the stepmother in the equation. The parents divorced when the kids were 6 and 7. I got together with my husband when they were 9 and 10.
The bio-mom systematically alienated the children from their father (she was the one who cheated and ended the marriage) from the day she learned we were going to marry. The kids, now 19 and 20, subsequently decided they wanted nothing to do with him. They ignored phone calls. They ignored emails. They never shared grade reports or anything with their father which had been done before I entered the picture. The kids denied anything we had ever done for and with them in 10 years time.
In order to stop the pain last year, my husband stopped trying to communicate with or seeing them. We took down all of the photos we had and said a prayer and a meditation that we hope they are happy and fulfilled in their lives and let them go. Detached.
Other people have told us we should keep trying, but we honestly needed to get on with our lives because they obviously have chosen to get on with theirs without knowing their father, at least for now. Some people say they will come back in the future. I can honestly say that at this moment, it does not matter because we always took the high road, always did what was in the kid’s best interest and ended up being made the bad guys and crapped on anyway. We still pay child support for one of the two kids, but the karma the three of them have earned will be far more expensive. Particularly if the kids ever try to learn the truth about what happened between their parents. It’s tragic, really.
I am glad your new hubby moved on, life is too short for the heartache, and best of all, you have each other! That is how I survive now, with my wonderful new hubby!
cjcat2 – I can so relate to this. My teens left me long ago but the heartbreak it caused… I won’t forget.
1. My oldest daughter, when she was 13, went to spend the summer with her Dad. At the end of the summer, she refused to come back. She said, “Dad let me talk to a lawyer and he told me I’m old enough to decide where I want to live. And I’m staying with Dad”. That cut like a knife.
We lived in the East, Dad in the west. Of course Dad had a full time job so daughter would not be supervised a lot of the time. I was remarried (7 yrs.), a stay at home mom, and had just had a baby the same month. Before she left, we had piano lessons, therapy, etc. well established. All of that fell apart…
2. My second daughter was majorly sexually molested while home alone and in the care of her father one summer. She was 12. This was covered up by my ex husband and kept from me, for fear I would bring her home. I was never allowed to help her, comfort her, be there as a good mom would want to be. After a few counseling sessions, he said she was “fine” and life went on for him as before. She turned wild and ungovernable. I can not express the sadness and despair and grieving I went thru when I found out about this some months later. From my husband. Who was called by my ex and told to tell me. And BTW, I’d just delivered a baby 2 days before.
3. Another child went to live with Dad in High School.
Bottom line – they all ran wild with Dad. At our house, we had rules, curfews, 2 parents that cared, a traditional and stable home. Values, morals, church. Teens don’t like that. The more freedom the better. :-(
My heart has been broken so many times by my ex and my children. I love my children with all my heart but I do understand how you feel differently towards them. I have felt the same way many times.
But my ex? I learned long ago to not let him have power over my life anymore. It took a therapist, and many visits, and actually balling up something and throwing it out the back door, representing how I was throwing him out of my life. He hasn’t stopped being the person he is, but I can now look at him from a distance without getting emotionally fraught.