This month has been the most difficult month I have experienced in a while. I am so depressed and don’t seem to know why exactly. So, today, Sunday I wrote a list of what I was doing 10 years ago when I wasn’t depressed. Didn’t have time to be depressed I guess.
Here is a short version:
Worked at an office with lots of people. Had coffee with my Dad every Friday evening. Went to parent meetings every week with other parents to deal with my acting out teen. Drove my younger two to two soccer practices a week and two games on the weekend in which I drove back and forth trying to watch two games at once. Lived in a townhouse complex with lots of people around. Was a volunteer at school. Went to school meetings and sports games at school. Talked and connected with other parents as we watched the game. Went to movies with my kids, helped them with homework, enjoyed making them dinner etc. etc.
Now, my Dad has passed away so no more Friday night visits.
Kids are all out of school so no more sports games to watch, no movies to go to and watch with them. Kids don’t watch any movies with me at all. They are on the computer or out with friends. I work at home with no people around. I live in a house where I don’t know or talk to my neighbors. When kids are small you meet the neighbors who have kids. Not so anymore. I am alone all day as I work from home. I rarely see my kids as they both work and are rarely home. My eldest son lives far away on a job. I only see friends about twice a month for coffee. I’m alone everynight including the weekends in a big empty house. I have managed to get myself to the YMCA at least 4 times a week and go swimming, but go by myself so I am getting really lonely.
Oh ya, I am very single and have been since 1996.
Any suggestions from those who have been there. I get that I have way too much time on my hands. Much too much time spent alone.