I will be having major surgery in the next few months. It will be the nature of something that will ’disable’ me for a time where someone will have to help me bath, wipe myself etc.
I have had several people tell me that I should NOT let my husband be my caregiver in these ways because they say once he has to take care of such things he will no longer be able to see me as a lover.
Does anyone know if there is any truth to this theory?
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Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.
I’ve known couples that got more intimate and others that grew apart. Maybe a couples counseling session before your surgery would help you know how your husband would be affected. I know that when I had to care for Robert when his cancer worsened, I would have hated it and felt slapped in the face if he hadn’t permitted me to be his caregiver. But I know every couple is different.
What does your husband say about this?
- Joan
I haven’t had the courage to even ask him. I fear that even the thought of having to do those things for me would be a turn off for him.
Maybe I should just stop worrying and take up the offer his sister made. She is a retired nurse and said if I needed help she would help. But we would feel like we had to pay her way here and then home (she is in NV we are in MO) and money is very tight.
Please talk to him! how can he even know if he can balance caregiving and intimacy if the two of you don’t share your misgivings and expectations? Maybe write him a letter if it’s too hard to say out loud, or ask a medical professional to discuss what will be needed with both of you and invite a discussion. (Sometimes a nurse does this really well!)
- Joan
It would really depend on how he is. Some people gag when they see someone throw up. People who are in the medical field in some way are going to react differently because they are trained. I just asked my husband who is a volunteer fireman and emt and he said he sees some of the worst stuff (I didn’t read it too him, just threw out the question) and that he would do it because he loves me. He thought I might be more bothered by it. Is your husband a squeamish person? I would just go with his sister and not worry about it.