My sweetheart and I have thought about moving for…well…quite a while now. We’ve visited several cities up and down the East coast; in fact, tomorrow we’re going to Virginia for a week.
In the last year, my two best friends have moved to other parts of Florida and, honestly, since I’ve been working out of my home, I haven’t been diligent about finding new cohorts to hang out with simply because in the back of my mind I’m going to be living in another area…soon…within the next year…someday.
My reasons for leaving are –
1) this isn’t my home, I moved in with my sweetheart 10 years ago, and, although, I’ve tried to make it my home, it’s hasn’t really worked out.
2) My children (son in upstate NY, daughter in Myrtle Beach, SC) can’t afford to come visit me here (at least they say they can’t) and I get tired of flying up to see them once a year to be the visiting mom.
3) The summer heat is getting to me, but the winter cold used to get to me. Hmmm.
We had almost decided to move back where I grew up near Ithaca, NY. My son is there and has a girlfriend and, in my own mind, it’s merely a matter of time before they get married and have kids. Every grandmother wants to know her grandkids, right?
The thing is – do I want to go back home? I have many friends who still there from childhood and working buddies from over the years. But, I’ve changed a ton since I left Ithaca 10 years ago. Will they still be my friends? Will I want them as friends?
Home also has an ex-husband who doesn’t speak to me, a sister who doesn’t speak to me, extended relatives that love me, and a lot of memories both good and bad.
So we’ve put off the homeward bound move for now and decided to look at VA because it would be approximately 7 hours away from my children either way. That would be nice for holidays, long weekends, etc.
Mind you, not once since I’ve talked about moving back to the north have my children said anything positive about it. My daughter (36) reminds me of how depressed I was during the winter months and the loooooong gray days. She’s right. My son (34) just mentioned recently that he may move out of the area. He doesn’t like the weather either. So, grandkids? Who knows?
I guess I’m wondering if I’m doing the right thing by displacing my sweetie and me because I want to be closer to my kids that I’ve lived away from for 10 years. And why do I? Is it guilt? Is it loneliness? Sometimes yes, sometimes I’m glad to be away from the family dramas and when everybody knows what everybody is doing.
I also look for my interests such as writing groups, book stores, plays, social watering holes, when I visit a potential city, but I have those things here, although, I’ve been in a rut lately. What I don’t have is my children who have their own lives now, but I want to be a part of their lives again. Not just by phone, text, and Skype.
As a mother, a writer, a boomer woman with a wonderful man, and occasionally suffers with depression, I wonder if I’ll be happy just being closer to my children or should I just snap out of it, move to a condo on Ft. Lauderdale beach and live out my life with a great tan and access to numerous tiki bars.
Can a mother go home again? Should she?