| Anyone ever been part of a swingers club? | Hot Conversation |
I was wondering if anyone here has participated in a swingers club and what their experiences were like. Did you ever participate as a single woman or as partners (i.e. with hubby or boyfriend)? If you haven’t have you ever considered trying it?
Posted in family & relationships, love & sex.
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Sounds very interesting.
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1) Your skin doesn't look like beat-up luggage now, and probably never wi
I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean swing dancing……………
…..so nope, not me~!
I’ve known a few couple swingers . . . they aren’t couples anymore. Never considered it as a single or as a couple. Are you considering it? Why?
Never done it. Don’t know of anyone who has but, I don’t think it would be something people around here would discuss openly. My ex-husband had suggested we try it. I even found info on it in his briefcase once. To me, it would not have changed our relationship. Sex was not the problem.
It is evidently for some people since swinging clubs exist everywhere. I think of it as more of a lifestyle, I don’t think it would be something to do if you want to try to save a relationship that is having problems or if one of the parteners is hesitant about doing it. No one should be forced to do something they don’t feel right about.
anir
I have been a swinger for two years now. It will only work if you both accept that it is only sex and has nothing at all to do with love. Swinging can be lots of fun and can really add to your marriage as you share your experiences together.
It is definitely not for every one and anyone whose marriage is not totally secure should not consider this. It will not repair a broken or stressed marriage it will only add to the problem.
In the lifestyle it is very normal at first to embrace it wholeheartedly and perhaps go a little overboard playing with other couples as you experiment this new way of life. You will find as time goes by that it will slow down and become an occasional thing that you share with your partner and not something that you do all the time.
If this is something you are considering please be very open and honest with each other. Work out the boundaries before you take the step. That way there can be no misunderstandings down the road.
Good Luck!
Good advice, Jezzarae. I’m not into swinging personally, but I do know several swingers who enjoy that lifestyle, are completely open with their partners, and negotiate activities with their (primary) partners. Loonamea, is this a direction you’re considering?
Haven’t tried. There are certain toys I don’t like to share………….my husband being the main one. lol
I loved your response…..dont like sharing my toyboy either…..cute
Something I might fantasize about, but that is as far as I ever want it to go.
Good point, Chick. Sometimes a fantasy is just a fantasy.
Fantasies should be kept as that . As for me , I am not into sharing my relationship with some one else . I imagine that this is every man’s dream tho . Oh , I am no prude . just don’t want to see my man touching another woman or him being touched and made to feel the way we are when we are in deep passionate love .. ‘ Just Sex ‘ , what a joke , that you can keep your feelings seperate .. what a joke . Come on , who is gonna believe this ?
You comment was addressed to me, but I’m not the one promoting polyamory — I’m just not judging others for whom it works. Personally, although I had a wild life before I met Robert, once I met him, we were always monogamous and wanted it that way. As a handsome man with great physical and spiritual energy, he was propositioned at times during our relationship, and he always said, “No, I’m in a committed relationship.” When one persistent woman said, “She’d never know,” he replied, “I’d know.”
But back to the topic at hand, we’re all wired differently, and sometimes it’s “soft wiring” that changes at different times of our life. Polyamory wouldn’t work for you, Susie Fugate, and it wouldn’t have worked for Robert & me, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for others — like Jezzarae, who commentd above.
In fact, a polyamory workshop leader who has contributed to my new book says that there are many silverhaired people in the audience when he gives his workshops.
Susie I think it would do you a lot of good to stop and think before you make comments. Just because you do things a certain way does not automatically mean that every one does them that way nor that they have to do them that way.
God made us all individuals and as such different things work well for different people. We are all entitled to live our lives the way that works for us.
There is absolutely no need to make a sarcastic reply to anyones comments or beliefs.
I thought about sending this privately to you but as you chose to mock me publicly I felt entitled to respond publicly.
I agree with susan, Vows are taken for a reason in marriage. swingers are usually fat and overweight. you put it out there so be strong enuf to expect backlash..
We can talk about alternative lifestyles without declaring that someone else’s choice is wrong and warrants backlash.
This reminds me of when I was teaching high school, and a close friend of mine, Dan, a gay man, was so enthralled by my tales of my students that he wanted to sit in on my classes for a day. He did, wearing a violet shirt and one earring — and this was in the 1980′s before men of all persuasions wore earrings and colors.
Although Dan never said a word about his sexuality, one of my male students was very upset. He brought most of the football team with him to my classroom after school the next day to assert that he didn’t like homosexuality, that the thought of Dan having sex with another man disgusted him.
“I have a solution for you, Sean,” I told him. “Don’t have sex with Dan.”
The whole football team laughed, then got serious again. “I never thought about it that way,” Sean said. “That’s right. Why should I care what he does, if I’m not going to do it with him?”
I think that was a good life lesson. And I think we can apply that here, too. Just because one or more or most of us don’t want to be swingers, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for others, who should be permitted to express themselves without being judged by us.
- Joan
marriage is a committed relationship between a man and a woman …. If they both agree to share them selves , then more power to them , but why be married to do this .. Seems like that involves too many emotions when swingers are evidently just for the fun of it , sex , exploring .. Isn’t that what the single life offered us ?
I did not mean in any way to offend any life style .. not in any way . I am just too ols fashioned .. trying to educate myself into the many varied lifestyles ahs been intersting . I am learning a lot and thank all of you for this input into your lives . I believe I must take sex with my partner much too serious . Guess I need to get the mind set that it is just sex . No emotion , no feelings involved . you talk about rules ? Rules to having sex ? I am now reading a book about threesomes and it talks about ‘ rules .’ Guess there are rules in every aspect of our lives . even in the bed room . I am not aiming this response at any individual or life style . just things , thoughts running thru my mind with what i have read on here .. Guess I need to educate my self more .. after all I was just in a monogomous realatonship for 36 years before my husband passed away .
No one is trying to change your mind about monogamy or about sex being best with total emotional commitment!
And what I meant by “rules” was that the parties have rules that make people (esp. women) feel safe — nothing will happen without their permission, comdoms are required, anyone who’s drunk will be asked to leave, etc. As I say, I’ve never attended these parties, so someone who has is invited to take over this explanation!
- Joan
No, no, no and no…oh, and never….I believe my vows says forsaking all others…..I believe in monogamy and fidelity, and that includes casual sex even if no love is involved…..not to mention health concerns….
I guess I’d better respond since I’m the one who started all of this. I have been in a committed relationship for sixteen years. We are both women. It looks like we are headed for a “divorce” and I will come to accept that if it is how things turn out. However, I just turned 50 this year. I am facing being alone, and I’m just not sure I want to get into another relationship….ever. But I do crave sexual intimacy…..without the emotional intimacy and since there seem to be some very good swinger clubs out there, it occured to me that it might be a way to have both a man and a woman who just want to have fun but not have to get involved. I have always been monogamous and believe in it. However, I think there are many ways for many people and I don’t judge them as long as they are willing participants. I may not understand it, and it many not be for me, but as long as it doesn’t involve children or unwilling partners, who am I to say. I think our sexuality (and spirituality) can come in many forms and out puritanical foundations in this country have shaped our perceptions of sexuality, spirituality and forms of human expression that are normal and natural as human beings.
I know that throughout my life there are times that my sex drive is raging and I would like to be with someone safe, but not be in an emotional committed relationship. I have experienced this in my younger days, but I’ve never been 50 and looking for an outlet. There are fewer men that women out there, and if some are willing to share and be a part of the experience, knowing I am no threat, what the hell! Of course there is another part of me that is afraid, have all the concerns about health issues. But it is sort of a “bucket list” notion that I am exploring and think, what the hell! I’m 50, alone, successful and really don’t want to be married to either man or woman. At least not for awhile. Self pleasuring is okay, but I find myself frustrated and wanting more, but not MORE.
Jezzare, your honest sharing has been very helpful and I commend your for being brave enought to share with others about your lifestyle. I think there are many more people out there who would enjoy a lifestyle like yours if they could just get past their religious indoctrination. If we lived in tribal times or were not so oppressed by out culture, I think we would find many expressions of loving, sexuality etc.
So, please don’t get on each other for how you are living and loving. For those who are die hard monogam’s – I say great for you! But there are other ways of being human and loving and I’d like to explore that before I am no longer able.
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and concerns.
Loonamea
Thanks for being open with us. If you give it a try just remember the condoms and enjoy!
anir
A friend of mine, age 58, male, is a swinger living in San Francisco. He talks very seriously about it — says the swing parties are safe (lots of rules, lots of condoms, no pressure, no drugs or hard alcohol, pesty men are kicked out immediately) and full of people our age. He recommends them for people who want a sexual outlet without commitment or just some excitement.
He has tried to get me to attend one (“You must experience this for research for your book — you don’t have to take your clothes off, and you can just watch if you want.”) but I have no personal interest in doing/seeing/attending, so I decline. If it’s something of interest to you, I believe there’s an organization of swingers who give these parties and keep them safe.
- Joan
NO
and
HELL NO
My ex (of 20 years)and I did it with another woman 100 years ago. Interesting ……but can’t say it added much to our relationship beyond the moment…….you notice I said MY EX!
I don’t regret it as it will really be a sizzzling chapter in that book I’m going to write one of these days.It’s also really a hoot when she and I run into each other now!
The moral of this story is …don’t drink too much wine and get on VBN!