My adult sons have some major problems in their lives that are not going to go away quickly. Over the years, I’ve become the queen of setting appropriate boundaries, not enabling; but I would like some suggestions of how to handle the stress of watching them suffer through possibly very serious consequences, when they are doing everything they can now to correct their problems. It makes me wonder what mothers of children who are in jail or have a terminal illness or are homeless do to deal with the stress of watching a loved one suffer and not being able to do anything about it. Maybe there is no answer-maybe that’s just part of life, but I’m open to suggestions. I am trying to eat healthy, get exercise, maintain myself so I can give from a full well, but i know this unremitting stress is hurting my health.
| adult sons’ problems affecting my health |
August 20, 2010
0 like
Permalink: http://www.vibrantnation.com/family-relationships/adult-sons-problems-affecting-my-health/
Social Bookmarks:
Posted in family & relationships, health & fitness.
Related posts:
- Angry with adult sons
- I am hurt my sons broke my heart and choose to live with my Ex. We just finished the divorce and my sons went after his money and his manipulation. The are 17 and 22 years old. I lived with pot smoker lazy no love no help from him until I’ve had enough. I paid all the family bill and the boys have seen all that. He is a weak link so they went with him and I stayed alone. It hurts. Ladies any words of wisdom and support. I feel very betrayed. Help?
add your responses
7 Responses
Stay in touch with the conversation. Subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Ive done that for my sons.Goodluck to all.
Have you a hobby?SEWING ,KNITING ETC?
ARE a BIG HELP ! GOING TO SENIOR GROUP LUNCHES ETC . Even volintier.
I too deal with a son who makes unhealthy choices . He is married and dad to my three grandsons. I think what you are doing is the best advice anyone could give to you. You are taking good care of yourself and that is a biggie. I would suggest finding something you truly enjoy and doing it often. It is so difficult to watch someone we love do things that we know are not good. I hope you have someone you can share with. Sometimes a good support group is a plus. Our children know we love them and as you said about healthy bounderies. That too is a biggie. I find for me that prayer helps. I think coming to peace with the fact we can’t change them. They have to want to change. Living life with peace because we deserve to do that. I have recently been going to get acupuncture. I tell you, it works wonders. You might give it a try. You certainly aren’t alone in this one. I will think of you as I do my prayers.
Thanks so much, everyone, for responding–it does help to know I’m not alone out there, and I wish everyone the strength to set and keep boundaries, and do what they can to help their children, but not enable them when they are not doing what they can themselves. The problem we all share is the fact that they keep making bad choices–I think those of us discussing this who have the most difficulty are the ones whose adult children have some things that are borderline not under their control–but even in those circumstances,we have to try to teach them to do what they can to mitigate the effects of their disabilities. Just being ADHD, or having a real addiction, for example, doesn’t give an adult child the excuse to keep letting their life spin out of control. They need to go to meetings, take medicine, see counselors, see doctors–whatever, just like we would if we had a physical, mental, or emotional challenge. Thank you again for your support, as we all try to draw those lines and keep them firm, for everyone’s benefit–we count too!
I have an adult son, who always has had problems because of a learning disability, stubborn personality, and not wanting to help himself, make changes, and just doesn’t get it. He is noticed in a group as someone who is different, limited speech, pronunciation, comprehension, unaccepted social skills, and shows aggressiveness, and anger . Most things provoke anger in him.
We tried many things, and now he is living at home, with us, and barely able to handle and hang onto a job.
I feel the die is cast and we are faced with not only a learning problem but mostly emotional. My husband has always gotten short with him… so you can imagine what home life is like. My husband has no skills to know how to help him,,,,,,only old ways that are not working.
Yes, it has affected my health.
Where does one turn to ….. I need to start making plans for the next happening. We have been helped somewhat, but this is a lifetime sentence.
We have spent retirement funds to bail out and help adult children(3), but he needs on going assistance.
Sometimes I really resent this son….. I must say this…. I accept this as part of my life, eat healthy, exercise, be interested in others, and just try to live in the reality, and not get pulled into fantasy of wishful thinking.
Life has gotten harder for me, but then I see this son as the pitiful soul who can’t fit in, can’t maintain any job, and just won’t be having a family, children, or going about life in the normal sense.
I think I know how some parents feel when they have to deal with this.. not of their own choosing.
One day at a time…… be grateful for the challenges and look for the little surprises of joy.
I have a daughter who is 26 and has bipolar. She also had a massive brain injury when she was 12. She has recovered from that–my point is that my husband and I have had an uphill battle with her issues; so I know what you are going thru; to maintain my sanity I exercise almost everday at least 30 minutes; it really helps me with stress; I also talk with a family therapist and my husband and I have gone to different support groups–some were good ; some not so good; we are starting a new one this coming week. The hard part is when she goes into the hospital; it is a very helpless feeling; I pray alot; I journal and ask G-d to give me strength to endure the pain she goes thru. sometimes I have to force myself to distract myself from her problems; not easy but i do try and sometimes it works; it is important to have friends to talk to; for a long time i did not share with family and friends, but now I do and it helps me to cope. When she goes into the hospitali feel totally helpless, but know that she is in a safe place and pray that her meds get adjusted. Prayer is so important. Hope this helps.
I just asked a similar question about my 18 year old daughter. It is so hard. I think that God gave us children so that we would know when to just stay o our knees, ask for help and trust Him/Her that everything will come out the way it is supposed to. So continue to eat right, and exercise. I am reading a book about being co-dependnet no more or how to take better care of ourselves… Yes it’s is hard but we have to trust God, especially whenwe know that we have done all that we can do and have given our children a very strong foundation. The rest is up to them… I just took my own advice, with a few sniffles….
I think that keeping lines of communication open to our disabled children is important–we can only empathize with them and their limitations; we need to let them know that we are human, that we love them, and yet we need to take care of ourselves, set our boundaries, and let them learn from their own mistakes; it is painful to do this; I think that the book on co-dependency is iimportant; I have read that; I still enable my bipolar daughter at times; I go with my gut, listen to others, and then make my own decision, because everyone’s situation is different; there is no right or wrong, but if we start to lose health or money, those are red flags and we need to take take of ourselves first–my heart goes out to all of you. Prayers and blessings to all.