A too close relationship w/his sister

i have a very dear friend who tells me her husband and his sister are so close is not normal.  He calls his sister in the morning, afternoon and then goes to her house for midday coffee.  She feels that as his wife, he should be spending more time w/her.  But she is working and her husband’s shop is closed by his sisters’ house. 

Apparently when this man was about 8 his mother died and his sister who was 12 raised them all.  In essence she took over the cooking, cleaning, etc that the mother used to do.  He loves his sister dearly and feels there is nothing wrong with loving his sister.  His wife, my friend, says that is not comfortable w/it and has not been in years.

Finally all this came out while we were having lunch and i said, “at our age i feel that we should do whatever makes us happy, if being attentive to his sister makes him happy, then let it be, life is too short, there are worse things in life”.   The sister is always at the group gatherings and any outings they have w/other friends, she invites herself or he invites her. 

Should my friend just let it be?  I think so, there is nothing wrong with loving your sister.  It is not “weird” love, it is really sister/brother love.  So what’s the problem?  She says it is the intensity of it and the amount of time they enjoy w/each other.

What do u guys think?  I  told her i was going to post this and ask for advice.



Posted in family & relationships.

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3 Responses

  1. Generic Image MzMufett says

    I wonder if the wife would feel so uncomfortable or think it abnormal if the woman was his mother rather than his sister.  You said the man’s mother died when he was only 8 years old and that his sister took over the role of the mother by doing everything the mother did prior to her death.  Wouldn’t you think that is a major part in his affection and attention to his sister–that she became more like a mother than a sister?  I wonder if the wife ever spoke to her husband about her feelings of jealousy and insecurity regarding this.  You say your friend works, so when hubby is spending time on the phone with his sister or is at her house for mid-day coffe, the wife is working.  So what’s her problem?  I agree with you–she should just let it be, but she should be honest with her hubby and speak to him about her feelings.  I suggest she pray for guidance about the matter.

    2 like

  2. Generic Image Only If, she said! says

    Sound like his sister took his mother place.  He was lucky she was there for him.  You cannot take a mother from a son.  I know she is his sister, but she a sister who was their when he needed her….after all these years he is not going to change…just be glad its not aother women.

    5 like

  3. Lynnette Lynnette says

    hey guys thanks for responding.  I am going to spend a day with this couple on Saturday.  We are going boating w/3 other couples and this issue most likely will come up.  The wife asks… what do they talk about?  As u know men do not talk much so i guess she is baffled by this as well.  But hey, its been years of this, so she should let it go.  I also feel that this man feels that his sister gave up being a child to become a parent and he is forever grateful.  I would be too.  If it was sister with sister there would not be a problem, but since it is a brother with a sister then all of the sudden it is.  Why?

    3 like

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