Papers are filed. That chapter is over. I have cleaned out closets, basement, shed…his presence is gone. I have landscaped my yard, worked like a crazy woman carving out a space that is me.
I went on a dating site and was approached by some seemingly very nice men…one who wanted to be my protector. But I discovered I am not looking for ANYONE, I am looking for SOMEONE.
I know a really nice, successful man, and I am very attracted to him because he is smart, kind, funny…all the things I am looking for. He doesn’t know I exist. I have put myself in his path, flirted just a little…and nothing. He is just as nice to me as he is to ANYONE else. So I find myself daydreaming that he will suddenly wake up and realize that I am the SOMEONE.
Is this a typical feeling after getting divorced? Am I fixated on someone who is clearly not interested in me just to protect myself from someone who might be?
I feel like a stupid teenager.
The key here is to begin making some decisions on your own. What is it you want to do? Sounds like you have the insurance thing figured out, are you seeking agreement? concensus? There are no "shoulds" only decisions based on rational/critical 
Oh my gosh! I felt your inner pain ... and I apologize for the fact that when I got to the part about setting your hair on fire, I laughed. I'm so glad you weren't hurt, and hair grows back. Perhaps a new hair-do would not only rectify the situation 
There is no such thing as a legal separation in my state..The only way I can get husband out of the house is to force him out..He refuses to leave..I would have to file for divorce and get temporary orders including a restraining order..
I feel so
doggiediva - I live in Florida which is a no fault divorce state. Everything that was accumulated during a marriage has to be divvied up 50/50. Unfortunately, he has nothing but the house to offer you. Because of your health situation he may not be e
“Am I fixated on someone who is clearly not interested in me just to protect myself from someone who might be?”
No, I don’t think so. Part of getting divorced is re experiencing what it means to be single again and what it feels like to be attracted to someone. Who that is tells you a lot more about yourself than it does the other person. The trick is to use this time to get to know a part of yourself that may have been dormant. It is possible to enjoy the feeling without it needing to be anything else. This is where the value of non attachment comes in. The best advice I never took was to give myself six months before I started dating.
It takes courage to wait for what’s right and that means getting to know yourself again. You are not the same woman you were or will be. Give yourself some time and enjoy the ride.
I flirted a lot after divorcing. About six months later I met a man who was clearly not the right guy (though I fantasized about making him into the right guy!). Fortunately I was leaving for a year in China and so it was obviously the wrong time for anything serious. When I got to China I dated lots of the wrong men – just for fun. There was the nice guy from temple who was thirteen years older than I, both divorced and widowed, had two girlfriends back in the States, but taught me a lot about art, jade, and being me. Upon leaving he presented me with what was left of his stash of American condoms and told me “You are doing fine. You have nothing to worry about in that department” We still write sometimes, but as friends and nothing more.
There was the Saudi who was movie star handsome, 10 years younger than I, but we had a good time.I did not, for the record, sleep with him – my choice, not his. What Bejad taught me was that 1.I don’t have to and 2. I didn’t want to have another friendly roll in the hay. I had grown past that. But then, I met the man I am with now. I had just had an epiphany that I was ready to go home and move on, that my time in Beijing had served its purpose, when D came into my life and despite the fact that I was leaving in 68 days, and despite the fact that his home was clear across the US from mine, and a whole lot of other despite the facts…we fell in love. He moved to Santa Fe to be with me after a year and a half of long distance dating and fabulously romantic vacations. Another year and a half has passed and we couldn’t be happier.
The point being for you dear Vicky, is that “yes, you feel like a teenager again”. There will be false starts, disappointments, and everything else you felt as a teen. Be patient..
Feeling like a teenager~ with mature intellience and experience attached is a pretty wonderful place to be
Just drop the *stupid* label in front of teenager and enjoy the fresh adventures.
There may be a lot of truth to the protecting oneself theory, I’ve adhered to it myself many times…but I don’t think that is limited to what one feels after a divorce. It is something one feels as a human being.
Go with your mature feminine gut and enjoy the youthful joy in your heart while you learn to really like who you are, now. You are not on a time clock…there is no scorekeeper.
Thank you all…some days I’m great…some days not so much. I appreciate your words and I really appreciate you all taking time to help me through this next step!
You might be protecting yourself, but you also want to have some fun, so you’re doing some flirting. Whatever it is, just keep going. Don’t question yourself. Best Wishes!