Vibrant Nation

Morning, The powers that be must convince us women there is something wrong with us growing older! Too something is wrong, or too little that must be corrected. Most of our lives have been hearing negative things about women over 40. I will challenge that to the grave. We say things about ourselves in negative tones to re-enforce what the media (all stripes) programmed say about us. How we take care of ourselves, our children are watching and listening. Too many young girls start out with the negative, cause they see mommy believing it! VN we been hearing it all our lives but the buck stops here!! I can't say this too much, we have been programmed, challenge what you think about you and other women over 50 yrs. ONLY THE DEAD DO NOT GROW OLDER!!...TRACK
p.s. I will age gracefully, taking care of myself

Anti-aging, what a subject like it's a disease or something   . . .  we can't stop from aging but I say that I am 51 yrs young and have been told that I can pass for a woman in her 30s.  It has come due to my diligence regarding my health.  When I was in my late 30's I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue with headaches, sore throats, the fatigue . . . it was bad.  To live with  it I investigated what I could do to help myself.  I backed off from all the bad white stuff ie sugar, flour, corn and put myself on high-powered anti-oxidants r-lipoic acid, vitamin C, E, grape seed extract and more.  This has all worked to keep me healthy inside AND out.  I have no health issues (except a few extra pounds) and take no prescription drugs which I refuse to take anyways.  I use the herb Maca for hormone replacement therapy.  I refuse to have any surgery done, I prefer to do it naturally.  And it's lie that we have to stay out of the sun; we need at least 20 minutes a day for vitamin D and for our bodies to regenerate themselves.   We need morning sun so as to set our biological clocks.  Do the research, you will find it out.  Humans get more colds and cancers in the places that don't get as much sunshine as the places that do.  Sorry to go on and on, but we have been sold such a bill of lies all for the sake of the all mighty dollar. 

I so agree with all the responses. Every morning I spend an inordinate amount of time adding the straight lines of eyeliner, making sure the mascara is added just right. I am working up the courage to actually step out of the house alalife.  I take care of my skin and do not have the means nor the courage to go under the knife to eliminate those wrinkles. I can remember something I read a long time ago about things that men find appealing in women. And one comment was how nice it is when a woman walks into a room with her head up and her eyes straight ahead ready to meet with whomever she could. That has always stuck with me. Being confident about yourself surely does more for how you look to yourself. And truly, who else matters?

Ageism still is alive and well.  My husband who is in his late 50's has been told by other men his age that in the automotive field he is washed up.  They try to make you leave because you cost to much, and are gonna retire in a few years anyways.  How sad is that when we discard our elders of society like so much refuse?  For women it starts in their 30's.  We are made to feel if we had a grey hair, a wrinkle, a saggy arm, that we are ready for the rocking chair sexually because we will be replaced by a younger model if we don't, wear chemicals all over to prevent these things, inject poisons to paralyze our nerves so the wrinkles don't come, or worse yet, cut into our otherwise healthy bodies, all in the name of vanity.  If you need to do all that to feel good about yourself, then perhaps it's time to find out who we really are, inside, and let happen what will happen and see what wonderful changes will come about.  There are three phases to a womans life, child, maiden, crone.  Why are we so terrified of the crone stage?  Clinging despirately to the Maiden stage, we cheat our society of our wisdom, of our acceptance of this phase of our life.  We instill fear into the generation before us who are despirately doing the plastic surgery, botox, etc earlier and earlier.  I have stopped dying my hair, wearing a lot of makeup to cover wrinkles, and have instead been working on my mind, and body to keep it healthy, with good food, water and excersize.  For my mind I have went back to school for my doctorate in Naturopathy.  We have as women more to offer than our looks, it's time we all became the matriarchs we all are ment to be. 

So many inspiring and thought-provoking posts here! I'm a 63-year-old grandmother. During my growing up years, my mother would say to me (at the most appropriate times), "Pretty is as pretty does." I've come to realize that that mantra is appropriate throughout life.

I totally agree! We sit around, bemoaning the fact that the media and the culture have such an obsession with youth and that unless we're blonde, tall, sexy, and YOUNG, we're somehow unworthy. But yet, when we rush out and have all this plastic surgery in an effort to look younger, we're endorsing the very attitude we curse!

Ladies, let's embrace our wisdom and experience! Let's promote the value of and worth in aging gracefully, not in some frantic struggle to grasp at a media/culture-created frenzy!

I'd rather look like my 59 years than look like a 59yo TRYING to look 39. That doesn't say much for our own image of self worth.

But that doesn't mean we give way to pounds and complacency. Let's work at being the best 50-60-70-80 year old (and older) that we can be...in body, mind, and spirit!

Vonda Skelton, 59 and proud of it!

I totally agree.  The new thing for brides is to get a boob job before the wedding.  Our generation is so obcessed with with keeping young that we have forgoten to embrace our age and we are sending the wrong message to our daughters.  i totally support reconstructive cosmetic surgery.  what a gift we can give to cancer survivors, or someone who has lost 200 lbs.. a fresh start.  But when we just want to change who we are that's a different story.  I had 2 twin pregnancies and have a roll on my stomach as if I had quadruplets.  My exhusband was always trying to get me to get a tummy tuck.  I was so insulted becaue it was his kids that gave me that roll of skin.  I must say, now that I am single again I would love that new start with that tummy tuck, but what kind of a message would I be sending to my daughter?  I think it is very important that we atand up to all of this rediculousness and start showing we are proud of the wisdom and beauty we have at our age. 

Fascinating discussion you've prompted, Vivian. I cringe when someone tells me she's "74 years young" or when a 68-year-old man tells me he doesn't "feel a day over 30". I'm nearing my 64th birthday and don't want to feel young. I want to feel like a woman coming into her crone years, with all the wisdom accrued in a lifetime of experiences. Healthy? Yes, absolutely. That's the sine qua non for every stage of life. But young? No. That's for the young. Been there, loved it. Now I'm loving this stage.

I've had grey hair for a long time and have always been comfortable with it. Recently two of my good friends took a big gulp and decided to stop giving their hair and scalps regular doses of chemicals. The only time I ever wore makeup was when I was a traveling storyteller and performed a lot under harsh lights. I'm comfortable in my skin and my body and enjoy being mentor to some pretty amazing young women. Now I'm blogging about the courage I see around me.

I've ordered your book and look forward to reading it. Thanks for stirring up good discussion.

Cathryn

I absolutely agree with you that anti-aging is anti-being 50,60, etc.  I think it is appalling that plastic surgeons are encouraging young people to have plastic surgery on their faces.  This is promoting our anti-aging culture in this country, which devalues people as they get older instead of respecting them for their wisdom.  I think plastic surgery has its place; if someone is truly bothered by an aspect of their body and they have thought long and hard about fixing it.  However, having plastic surgery at a young age just so you will never get wrinkles is not the same thing.  I am proud to be 53 and I "look good for my age."  I think we should try to look the best that we can at any age by taking care of ourselves: exercising, eating right, wearing sunscreen, etc.

I just turned 74, have had some major health challenges along the way, and still look pretty darn good.  The only enhancement was permanant eyeliner.  I had it done about 15 years ago and it still looks great.  My eyes have faded from dark brown to green and the eyeliner is a great enhancer.  I believe the secret is to think young, stay active and laugh, laugh, laugh!  No, I haven't had an easy life.  I have experienced divorces, depression, a child's death, financial challenges, cancer, and all that 'stuff'.  Life goes on and everything is temporary...even grief!!

Most of the "anti-aging" theme has focused on opur external looks rahter than real health.

I have no problem with exercise, nutrition etc that will forestall the wear and tear of age.  Its this constant nonsense that says we are worthless when we look a little bit seasoned, that really gets me.

Unfortunately, external "beauty"  has been the measure of a woman's worth for too long a time.  That and skinniness, another questionabl;e trait.  I read somewhere that women are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression, but only in those countries where being super-thin is the female body image ideal...Food for thought

Why can't we just grow up and face Life?  We are a nation of Peter Pans; fueled, of course, by the media. Who wants to be part of a generation of mindless, vacuous Lindsay Lohans?  With time--hopefully--comes wisdom and self-knowledge. Embrace it. Ultimately it is far more attractive.

Wow!  Love reading all the posts this comment started.  I think Jamie Lee Curtis is a wonderful role model for accepting ourselves while doing the best we can to keep ourselves healthy.  I also think Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep and Sigourney Weaver are wonderful.  And I strongly agree with the woman who made the comment about Jessica Tandy being a beautiful older woman.  I'm soon to turn 55 and must admit that I'm not thrilled with the changes I see in the mirror but am not bothered enough by it to try and freeze my face or have surgery done.  I too would much rather spend the money on travel.  I do dye my hair and wear makeup (sometimes) and I love the wisdom I have gained from living.  We are bombarded constantly with messages that tell us we're not good enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough.  If you can't turn a deaf ear to those messages then you need to turn off the TV and not pick up another woman's magazine and just live your life and be who you want to be. 

I could not agree more Vivian. Thank you for your blog and for your book.

I am a self appointed leader of the campagign for fearless and fabulous aging. I encourage women to stand by their age proudly.

In the pursuit of eternal youth everyone loses. Women lose the gifts of aging. Society loses the wisdom of the older woman and youth loses the hope of a deeper future.

The anti aging movemnt is a product based sell which feeds on the insecurties in women and tells us that we have less value as we age and so our lives have less value.

Well I do not intend to live the next 40 years (59-99) in what I consider to be a second class stage of life!

I loved my youth and my mid life and I am loving the 50+ years too.

Every stage of life has its own unique energy and to really get the most from each stage we must be present in that time to capture that energy.

If we are looking back to youth wishfully or ahead to the even more advanced years in fear ...we are not present for the gifts of now

I am gray haired and quite wrinkled and as far as I can see neither of those things are affecting the quality of my life in the slightest.

Vivian fantastic post. Absolutely -- anti-aging is being anti-50, or whatever. I did a series for radio on cosmetic surgery below the belt, also known as Designer Vaginas, where women of all ages are conforming to ridiculously-narrow aesthetic sexual ideals, and going in for drastic "surgeries" such as labia amputation and clitoral unhooding (exactly what it sounds like). There is something seriously wrong with that picture. The New View Campaign based in New York has done a great deal to try to educate women on the topic. A thought-provoking blog post on the subject possibly worth checking out is http://flashfree.wordpress.com/  

I just came across an article two days ago while I was cruising around on the internet~

http://inyourface.freedomblogging.com/2010/03/09/plastic-surgery-divides-oscars/15853/

It really confirmed my opinion that plastic surgery helps for a few years, but eventually, people who have had plastic surgery (men AND women~ I was so sad to see Steve Martin in "It's Complicated") end up looking terrible when those few years are over. I understand the pressure we are under to look "young." I even hear it from my 20 year old daughter. She is so much happier when I wear makeup!

Print publications are so airbrushed, etc. Fortunately I do recognize that, instead of beating myself up about my 57 year old body. Also, my husband seems to be very satisfied with being married to a woman his own age! I realiz that that is not the case for everyone. 

I stopped coloring my hair a few years ago. it was amazing how many women told me I should color it, while I was growing it out. My husband was like, "Go Naturalle" and now that it is grown out, women don't weigh in about it like they did at the time. I do like my grey hair.

My number one issue is weight gain. it just takes more and more time to maintain my weight. At some point it becomes vanity, and I need to be able to settle for a reasonable weight, without denying myself all the food I love or spending inordinate amounts of time at the gym.

Life is quite a journey! I'm so thankful to have it to experience!

It's pure and simply a case of media/pharma/medical bamboozlement!!  We are such easy targets -- and most of the bamboozlement comes from men!  I've always wondered -- did the bra really get invented by a man??  Most torture divices are!!!