Lila,
My heart goes out to you. KGrandma just gave you some great advice. I wish I lived near you, so you could just come over my home, for a little respite. KG is right, you have allowed yourself to become the family's doormat. It is time you start thinking about yourself as a decent and lovable human beign. You are not inferior to anyone. Love yourself and demand those around you, treat you with dignity and respect.
Please Lila, love yourself and stop taking care of all those adults. It's time they stood on their own two feet. They are treating you the way you are allowing them too. Stop responding in a positive manner, when they are degrading and humilating you. If they can't even respect you, when you are sick and in the hospital? that's not love: that's sad and my heart hurts for you. It's so hard to hear that, you have suffered like this for 32 years!
Send me a private message and I will send you my email address. After you get to know me, you can fly here and visit with me for a week or two. You wouldn't have to do anything. Both my son and I will spoil you. We can stay up as late as we like and sleep as late as we wish doing the day. I am retired and that's what I do: we can go for long walks, to the parks or on our beautiful river walks, shopping, sit around and eat too much (LOL), watch a lot of television, just hang out and do nothing, except enjoy each other's company. You can get to know my son and see how respectful he treats his mother and all women. I have always been a single mom and I love my son, but, love and respect must always be present in my home.
Your grown daughter, who have graduated college, certainly should be able to find her own way back and forth from work. If you allow her to walk a few times I guarantee you, one, she would make other arrangements or two, she will show more respect to you.
I can't imagine my son speaking to me that way. He would have been out of my home years ago. He's 43 years old and I still don't allow him to raise his voice in anger with me. He understands that I am his mother. I'm not a child and he's not my father and I am not going to allow him to play that role, unless I get Alzheimer's Disease.
Lila, I am not even going to mention the word divorce to you. You have so much work to do, starting with, gaining your self-esteem back. It all beging in your own mind. You must begin to see and accept yourself, as great as any human alive. Believe in yourself: love yourself and treat yourself as you want others to treat you. Only you can stop the mental and emotional abuse. You can stop it, by stop reacting to it in a positive manner. If your daughter says, " you mean you can't take 10 minutes out of your day to pick me up?"
You could either not respond, or, you could say, I don't know what I am going to be doing by 9 o'clock tonight. I might go out, go to bed early, I might be watching something on TV or, I just might just not feel like coming out tonight. therefore, I would suggest you make other arrangements. You can tell her this when you are taking her to work, that morning. It will give her all day to think about getting herself home. If she had to walk or take a cab back and forth for a few days each week, her behavior would change, because, she would understand, you are not her slave. You cannot continue to reward her disrespect of you.
The other ladies have already given you some great advice: therefore, I want repeat what they have already said. On this site, you will find understanding, compassion and caring. Now you need to join with us and start loving and caring about the beautiful lady you are. I wish you well my friend.
