I truly believe that verbal communication is so highly over rated. Although i think I would love to live with a good communicator the fact is I don't.
I learned long ago not to say "I need to talk." My guy and in general a lot of guys I've known, will turn around and run at these words. I learned to just launch off on whatever I needed to say without the warning bells in advance. This works for me.
My spouse is of another generation. Stubborn, scottish and when I see his lips shut tight and grim I know hell could freeze over before he will talk.
He often says Don't Tell me, Just Do It. And he means it, The story is often "in the doing" in our lives.
I found also that touch works wonders. We often communicate through touch. Even when we're mad at each other. And at 76 he's always ready for sex, more than any man I've ever known. I often touch him as I pass by. He often touches me, just in passing. It works for us.
The things that matter to us both are simple. We are both happy in our little apartment and it's location. We live quite simply. We both like that.
Coming into this marriage in mid life is different, much much different than the marriage of my youth.
We both had major lives before we met. We both had baggage, who doesn't? We both have histories.
We both value our time with our grandchildren. And protect that time often during busy schedules. He often goes alone to his daughters, I often go alone to mine.
I have many interests that do not include him. My work life is my own. His is his. And neither of us are much inclined to discuss our work at home.
He also has long standing social committments he enjoys without me. And thats OK with me, because I had dinner with them once, and they're ALL deaf, in at least one ear. I honour his long standing friendships.
I find myself irriatated less and less by his habits. In terms of eternity, how important is it? If he makes a mess on the coffee table which he does all the time.
I'm not sure why I launched off on this rant. Maybe because I see all the time so many women still waiting for some ideal of a man, some prince charming who never showed up.
Neither do we live out of each others pockets. That's a big one for us. In general we have worked out what it takes to maintain our household, and thats about it. My money is my own, his is his.
He occassionally buys me a gift. When I'm least expecting it. And usually something he has observed. He came home with a down filled parka for me one day. He "noticed" that I always seem to wear a dress coat, and thought I should have a parka.
Last night when I came home there was sitting on my desk, 3 sets of candles. He probably saw them on sale somewhere and knows I do love my candles.
He also occassionally goes on holiday by himself. Usually to the Dominican Republic, sometimes a golf trip on his own.
He usually brings me something home. Perfume or cigarettes he gets at the airport. Once he came home with one of those expensive bottles of anti aging face cream. I laughed and ask him why he bought me that. And he said: Because you can't get enough of that sheeeet you put on your face.
So is communication always verbal? Do you think?
