I have had two similar experiences while living in Southern California. Any chance you are talking about them moving to The Wellington in Laguna Hills? No matter.
Both my mother and my mother-in-law were in a retirement community not nearly as nice as you describe here, but they were still living well. I only have one sibling left, a brother. I made the mistake of starting out all wrong. I lived a little closer by 10 minutes so therefore I was the obvious choice when Mom needed something quickly. I didn't always have to go to work, he did. I'm the daughter. Whatever.
I am here to tell you that whatever ground rules are or are not set up in the beginning will determine your future. I tried to be the 'nice guy' and I didn't set up any ground rules in the beginning. After 13 years, I'd had enough and I LOST IT. I said things I wish I wouldn't have said. I knew as it was flying out of my mouth that I was going to regret those words. Not having ground rules or expressing your expectations right from the start will work against you eventually. Boy oh boy, did I ever learn the hard way.
If your siblings are only an hour and a half away, that's equal to what many Southern Californians have to deal with just to get to and from work! There should be no reason why they can't go home after spending the day with Mom and Dad. They truly don't need to be spending the night at your house unless one of your parents is sent to the hospital and the visits will become daily.
I would advise you to coordinate a schedule where your siblings each visit at least once a month, taking turns so that Mom and Dad aren't overwhelmed with company one weekend and then sitting there alone on the others. You can handle the Monday-Friday necessary visits (I'm guessing here). Other than a Holiday, I'd like to suggest that you never participate in those visits that your siblings will make. That needs to be their time. It's so easy for them to cancel at the last minute or ask you for 'one little favor' before they arrive that ends up becoming a real task for you (like shopping). You should have weekends off unless you prefer it another way.
You are obviously a very caring daughter. This community, where ever it is, sounds like the perfect way to retire. I wish I could live there!
One last suggestion, contact the activities director and have him/her ask a few of the couples who live there to make contact with your parents BEFORE they move. That way, when they are brand new to the community, they will already have a few friends and won't feel like they are so new.
Who knows? It may be that they create such a wonderful life for themselves in their new environment, they will have very little time for you and your siblings. I've seen it happen. Just not with my Mom or Mother-in-law. :(
All the best. Marilyn
