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susanetx's avatar
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susanetx
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posted 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

I cant seem to wrap my mind around the fact that it is so hard to find a good man. ive been alone for a long time and now the men out there to choose from are...well...pigs. Am I putting off the wrong vibes?

responses (11)

Tamara's avatar Tamara
Tamara said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

Probably not....the longer I live, the longer I believe most men are morons! Not all, but most...

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dynamomma's avatar dynamomma
dynamomma said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

Wow, I don't know what I would find or be feeling if I were single and looking for a life mate.  I'm not even sure if I met my husband somewhere for the first time now, how I would feel about him.  I think I might think he was a pig, not refined, egotistical maybe and seemingly self centered.  But we've been together for 45 years and when he is with me in our environment he is none of those things.  We've had a long time to grow together.  But because of my education and profession I knew that if he was going to become the man I knew was there, the one I fell in love with, I would have to be responsible for establishing a place in our lives where he could become who is was meant to be.  He has!  Men are not very good at knowing who they are and being that person.  They're really good at acting like they think they are suppose to -- you know trying to be all macho to impress you.  If they only knew what impresses us . . .  So I said all that to say this -- Maybe you are putting off the wrong vibes.  Think about this and the next time you are out and about and meet someone, try something different.  For instance if you sort of like something in some man that you meet but the edges are rough and you're not sure say something like "you know what _______ (insert name)?  There's something about you that is real and I like that.  So you don't have to act like a macho man ________ (insert adjective) to impress me.  Maybe you'll find one that will let you see the true and wonderful person he can be.  Good luck. 

NanaCatharine's avatar NanaCatha…
NanaCatharine said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

My husband was in my life in a group of people I met with regularly for a long time before I "saw him."   I was so busy dating the flashy guys, the rich guys, the jaguar guys, the obessive guys, the possessive guys, the guys I wouldn't bring home to meet my kids,  that I literally never even saw him, right there beneath my nose.

An old guy, wearing a cap.  omg.  are you kidding?  A man 18 years older than me?  Are you kidding?  I was shocked the first time he ask me out.

Actually he used to say he never dated a women with less than 10 years of sobriety.  I was about 7-8 sober when I first met him.   He said he watched me for two years before our first date.   Sounds moronic, and ego driven, but he was entitled and he was getting real tired of the girls he had dated for so many  years as well.

We've basically been a couple since our first date, although I maintained my own apartment for over 2 years after we met.

Sometimes I think I live a nice boring life.  And I like it that way.  Solid, dependable.

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JoanPrice's avatar JoanPrice
JoanPrice said to NanaCatharine 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

This is a great story, Catharine, and your life sounds solid and centered, not boring. That he valued sobriety enough to wait for you to reach 10 years is pretty amazing. You've got a great guy there!

NanaCatharine's avatar NanaCatha…
NanaCatharine said to JoanPrice 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

yes I do.  he is an ICON, a legend in his own mind.  a true character.  he also celebrated 40 years of sobriety this past summer.

His date of sobriety is the same day neil armstrong walked on the moon, somehow in his mind he figured if neil armstrong could walk on the moon, he could sober up! lol.

And I'm close to 25 years sober now too, so we have much to be grateful for.

BTW at 75 years old he puts men half his age to shame, his vibrancy, natural energy, and sexuality.  he's just one of those men who have that magnetism.

JoanPrice's avatar JoanPrice
JoanPrice said to NanaCatharine 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

He sounds even more wonderful than I realized before! I'm happy that you found each other and that you appreciate each other so much 15 years later (if my math is right).

SeaWriter's avatar SeaWriter
SeaWriter said to NanaCatharine 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

Catharine, I agree with Joan. Your life sounds lovely, and is exactly what I would like to have myself. I had a difficult marriage but it is behind me, and I look forward to meeting someone kind, thoughtful, and energetic who is crazy about me!

joyful53's avatar joyful53
joyful53 said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings.  He may not be perfect, but neither am I and he's certainly not a ....pig.  I didn't date long enough to have any advice for you except to keep your wits and values about you. 

Tamara's avatar Tamara
Tamara said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

You may want to check out the post by Sherry Halperin: Online dating after 50 and the search for the perfect man.

susanetx's avatar susanetx
susanetx said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

I didnt mean the guys I meet are ugly or poor.  I mean that they aren't nice, kind.  Expect sex on the first date, want to borrow money, ignore me.   I just want to meet a nice man. 

tiliamay's avatar tiliamay
tiliamay said to susanetx 02/03/2010, 03:24PM new!

heres what I am sensing out there;  men our age (let's say 45-55) did not take care of themselves when they were younger (which most insurance statisticians will agree with btw). What I have been left with are trolls and guys who look like my grampa.  OR Mr so-cut and concerned about his fat % that his search engine only wants 22-30 yr olds.  sigh...

I am not out there looking for a guy to nurse, for petes sake.. just because he didnt take care of himself when he was younger. Or give a makeover to because he is stuck in the 70's and still wears aviators and thinks his long hair or worse, mullet, is still cool.  And ewww.. what's with the facial hair? Is it something to hide behind?  I think so.

I took care of my teeth!  I put sunscreen on!  I always kept myself active! I always groomed myself.  And when you look at women our age in old photos you can see the differences that this type of self caring that we did (which we thought was just general maintenance) has made.

Women our age look better than men our age do- period.

  But I gotta say, I havent met too many pigs. Sex on the first date? nyah.. I dont think so. Where are you meeting these guys? No one pressures me for that, but maybe you are hotter than I am & they just cant help themselves!

Keep looking, I am.. I love my current bf, but he is too unavailable for my lifestyle on a farm. I love the way he looks, smells, feels and tastes. But sex 2 times a month and living his life as tho he is the center of the Universe isnt working for me. I need more than that in my life.

Connie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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