Vibrant Nation

work & money

Bear123's avatar
from
Bear123
Sexist rude men in the workplace
posted 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Was wondering if anyone is going thru this at work. I have been working in a male dominated field for almost 20 years. 4 years ago I had to relocate and start over again after a layoff due to a major downsize in the industry.

The company I work for is a good company, but I had to transfer to another city with the same company so my husband and I could live and work in the same city. I was told that I was going to the worst station in the company, and that sure was true.

The day I showed up ( 3 years ago )someone said," I see they hired another B---h" , That person got fired eventually for other reasons.  Since I have been here I have been bullied, insulted, told women dont belong here etc. It will not stop, and I have never had this happen to me. I always did my work with pride, and got along well with most people. I was also in the Air Force and never had these type of problems. It is also happening to some of the nice guys I work with. Not a day gose by without some smart or nasty comment, I would quit if I could, but that is not an option. If I went to or called HR I would be labeled even more. My husband tells me to give it back to them and fight, but I know that will not work. Then I end up fighting with my husband because he cant seem to understand how this is tearing me apart, I am now disgusted and depressed, even at home, just exhausted from all of it. I am going to apply for a federal job, but I want to be prepared, and make a good impression.

I just wonder how some of those mean selfish men treat their wives, mothers, or daughter. Some of them make such horrible comments about women, it gets me so angry. These people have been talked to by local management, but they still keep the insults coming no matter what you do.

responses (28)

Tamara's avatar Tamara
Tamara said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

You can't go to your Human Resource person???? Isn't that one of the reasons they exsit? Sounds like this has been allowed to go on way too long...Keep your eye out for another job, sure......but go tell someone in HR the Hell you're dealing with on the job!

Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to Tamara 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank you for your response, but I have to careful. HR is not always in the employees best interest. I have been keeping a journal for the past few years just in case to protect myself. Hopefully I will be moving on to better things.A fight like that is not always worth it on your nerves, and health. I have seen many women loss that battle, and it is shame that it is still going on. There needs to be some new laws on workplace bullying, that is why those guys can get away with it.

Tamara's avatar Tamara
Tamara said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

The I would do what one of the other posters suggested...keep tabs on everything and find a good attorney who specialized in sexual harrassment. I really do wish you the best of luck.

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to Tamara 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank you for your kind words, wishing you a great day!

Claudia 's avatar Claudia
Claudia said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

You may be interested in a legal term called constructive dismissal (also constructive discharge) wherein an employee who quits as a result of wrongful acts within the workplace may be able to take legal action.  I don't think this action is available if you're unionized.  And  I suspect you would have to complain to someone before that action would be available to you.  Not sure but that would make sense to me.  In any event, if you want general information, you may find this site helpful:  http://duhaime.org/legaldictionary/c/constructivedismissal.aspx Take care and good luck.

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to Claudia 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank you very much for the good information, I will look into that.

buzzingbee 's avatar buzzingbe…
buzzingbee said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

There is no reason to have HR if you can't use them.  If they can't back you up there is an even bigger problem with the company as a whole.

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to buzzingbee 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank You for your response, HR is not always in the employee's best interest even if they play by the rules. I have seen this many times, and yes that is even a bigger problem.

pennylane100's avatar pennylane…
pennylane100 said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Call up your local ACLU and ask their advice.   Another place would the the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.   They will give you the best advice on how to end  this harassment and keep your job.   Be sure to keep good notes on what has happened/

Good Luck

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to pennylane100 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank You very much, great idea ! I will look into this.

lynnericci's avatar lynnericc…
lynnericci said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

You need to keep a little notebook with you at all times.  When they start making comments, simple say nothing and write down the time/date/person/and comment(s) made.  Do that everytime.  SAY NOTHING TO THEM.  SAY NOTHING TO MANAGEMENT UNTIL you have several pages full.  Do not complain to anyone, say anything confrontational to anyone.  If someone asked what you are doing when you are writing down the comments SAY NOTHING TO THEM. Call a lawyer specializing in sexual harrassment before you ever go to management. Show him your book.  Do what he says. They are the ones breaking the law.  And don't you forget it.

4 members love this!
Sunblossom's avatar Sunblosso…
Sunblossom said to lynnericci 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

I totally agree with this.....

1 member loves this!
Linda Danielle Krensky's avatar Linda Dan…
Linda Danielle Krensky said to lynnericci 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

You might even try to tape record these guys.  That evidence is difficult to deny or claim a misunderstanding occurred.  Digital tape recorders are about the size of a pack of gum, can be carried in your pocket or on your belt and can be voice activated.  

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to Linda Danielle Krensky 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thanks, that is a very good idea.

essentially_solo's avatar essential…
essentially_solo said to Linda Danielle Krensky 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

this sounds like a great idea, but in this country it is illegal to tape a conversation without both parties consent and knowledge of being taped.  Bear could get into serious trouble, and her tapes would be inadmissable in court unless they started with both parties voicing agreement to the making of the tape.  So be careful.

yakkity1's avatar yakkity1
yakkity1 said to lynnericci 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Great advice, Lynnerric, and Lissav I hope you take those actions.

Employees often forget that the role of Human Resources is to protect the company; they are not pro-employee, but pro-employer.

However there is a pattern of abuse, and you need to investigate the pecking order for reporting these problems. Learn the terminology--words like "hostile work environment" and your "fear for your physical safety." But first and foremost, consult with an employment attorney--yesterday.

It's unfortunate that some so-called "nice guys" are also being abused, but confide in no one, just keep taking your notes (in a hard copy notebook and not on your firm laptop) and keeping your mouth shut about your predicament and plans. Just a guess, but your co-workers (perhaps with the guidance of management) sound as though they are savvy enough to avoid sexual discrimination charges. "Hell, George and John get the same kind of teasing--all the guys do. It ain't because Lissav's a bitch." Unless your attorney advises you otherwise, do not include your male co-workers' plight in your journal. Remember that your journal will be used as evidence. Look out for Number One.

The law is on your side.

Be well.

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to yakkity1 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank You, and you could not have said it any better. Very good true advice.

1 member loves this!
lynnericci's avatar lynnericc…
lynnericci said to lynnericci 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Oh, one more thing.  If they have a company manual, take it home with you immediately to show the lawyer and in case you have to go to court or even settle out of court.  If these people are in violation of their own manual and harassment policies and your management does not take steps to protect you, management too will be in violation of their own policy and will be held more accountable.  In addition, it makes your case stronger.  But be careful, do not let anyone see you take the company manual home.  If your company suspects you are taking legal action, they can fire you under false pretense and will start to document things against you.  You must be very covert.  Good luck. Less than 10% of women who are harrassed ever take action. 

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to lynnericci 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

I really appreciate your information, and support.

lynnericci's avatar lynnericc…
lynnericci said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

I've been there so I know your plight, it is a terrible environment to work in. Shame on your management for allowing those neanderthals to speak to you disrespectfully like that.  Just know there are good men and women out there who support your rights in the workplace and the reason there are laws is because their behavior was recognized in a court of law as wrong.  Your guys need to be taught a lesson.

2 members love this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to lynnericci 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank You very much for your response, Yes I have been doing this. Management is not always in our best interest, they can also be part of it by allowing it. I say nothing.....

Helen Keene Myles's avatar Helen Kee…
Helen Keene Myles said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

I am so sorry this is happening to you. If it is any comfort to you, I have had a situation that may have been a lot worse. It was a lot different. It is so hurtful that I will not be specific. However, one thing is certain. That is, please hold your on. You did state that you will be applying for a job with the federal government. Well you will need a reference from that job. One thing about the federal government is, the federal government will look at your credentials real good and you will get credit for some great credentials. The federal government will also look for any criminal activity. Now about your husband, some things -- I am not sure if some men just cannot understand because of some essoteric (sp) belonging or what it is that cause a wife spouse so much stress at trying to get them to appreciate what their wife is experiencing. I believe I am looking at the male spouse issue in a healthy way. FYI, I will divoiced March 1 2010. I do love men; however, maybe they don't love me or they don't love strong women like me, pehaps? Again, I am familiar with the U.S. Department of Commerce, Federal Employment. I have recently received a letter stating I am eligible for hire. I am so excited about that. I will soon test for the federal government. Good luck with your current job and your application for federal government employment. Also, good luck with Mr. Husband. It is lonely without Mr. Husband. Enjoy!

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to Helen Keene Myles 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Thank You very much for your response, and great information. I really appreciate your story, and I hope that things will be getting much better for you very soon. It sounds like you have been through so much, and I hope that you will have the peace of mind and happiness in life you deserve. I think that there are men out there that do not appreciate strong, smart women such as yourself. It is their loss, and they would have much more happiness in their own life if they could only see that.

I went through a divorce about 15 years ago after 10 years of marraige. It was hard, but in the end you will come out much stronger, and be free from the weight of that on your back. It takes time to heal, and with good friends, and family support you can get through it. I wish you the best, and that you find a good man who deserves you. It will happen when you least expect it. You have my support, and hope that you are not too lonely.

Thanks again for the information on the Federal Govenment.

essentially_solo's avatar essential…
essentially_solo said to Helen Keene Myles 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

helen, i cannot begin to express my admiration for your strength and intelligence.  I divorced twenty years ago for the same reason, my husband could not tolerate a strong woman, so he went out looking for one more pliable than myself.  He has since married eight times fathered 12 children and is impoverished having to pay child support, the man dug his own grave.  But I have a feeling there are precious few men out there that can truly appreciate a strong intelligent woman, in twenty years i've not found one, so i have resigned myself to living the remainder of my life without one.  And I have found that living alone is not such a bad thing at all lol.  Be true to yourself, I know you will be, and never settle for a lesser man out of loneliness.  I tried that, it didn't work either.  The loneliness does pass, and then you are free to live life on your terms.

Helen Keene Myles's avatar Helen Kee…
Helen Keene Myles said to essentially_solo 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

I am just noticing your great comments to my response to Bear123. I have found a kind gentleman. However, if you noticed my resent post; the divoice did not occur on March 1. Unforturnately, on the 26 I will encounter another anniversary at marriage. Thats alright too. I was just so much anticipated the date because I have been separated for many years. The children's father wanted to divorce. I could not afford it. Thanks.

Helen.

Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

I sell paper, very little women in that field.  Additionally i sell paper in Latinamerica, machoman country.  So i can relate.  I am good and i am tough.  The men can put it out there i reply singing.... "remember that you have a daughter...", that shuts them up immediately.  I tell them, i have helped open the field for your daughters so shut put and get over it.

1 member loves this!
Bear123's avatar Bear123
Bear123 said to Lynnette 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Good for you Lynnette, stay strong and tough.. I was thinking of adding the daughter comment to my comeback, I have always wondered how they treat their own daughters, wives, or mothers. 

Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to Bear123 02/03/2010, 01:14PM new!

Well, i work with a man that is very sexually xplicit and goes to strip joints.  He is married and only has one daughter who he adores.  He talks so crudely about the women that i lost total respect for him.  He comes into our lunchroom once in a while.  So one day he started talking about his daughter's friend and how fine she was, blah, blah, blah.... i turned around and said to him..."i wonder if her friend's dad feels the same about your daughter".  When you put it in that perspective they react pretty quickly.  He turned white and said, well, i did not think about that.  To which i replied... it feels "funny" doesn't it? 

Pure and Natural