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work & money

domesticnana's avatar
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domesticn…
Have you turned into the breadwinner for your family? How do you cope with it all?
posted 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

Im now  53 almost 54 and I've turned into the breadwinner for our family.  My husband, my parents work for me.  I've raised 7 kids and now have 8 grandchildren.  I have 25 employees that depend on me to make the right decisions for everyone.  I sometimes feel like its just to much and I want to go back to the way it was.  Watch out for what you wish for!!

responses (13)

RealityMary's avatar RealityMa…
RealityMary said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

Our roles changed about 8 years ago...I make more money and therefore am the one who NEEDS to work. I am 55 and HATE it...I just want to be free to stay home and take care of my home (NEVER thought I would say that) and be free to go to lunch with my daughter and take care of grandkids when am needed...

What makes matters worst is that on his side of the family, his mother never worked, nor do his sisters...That's just the way it is for them...Oh, I could get real bitter her, but am trying to fight it.

sunflower1912's avatar sunflower…
sunflower1912 said to RealityMary 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

Mary, be proud.  Think back to the 70's, would you ever think you would be the one to be the breadwinner?  Me either.  But we're there....I'm very proud of what I've accomplished and so is my husband.  Yeah, there is the extra responsibility that comes with it but that's life and as strong, successful woman we deal.

Dallas Lady's avatar Dallas La…
Dallas Lady said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I've never not been the breadwinner. 

WIth all due respect--its an old paradigm to expect or wish to be taken care of by others.   Now, we should all expect to fill that role at some point in our lives....sooner or later.

 

 Why shouldn't we be the breadwinner?

grace's avatar grace
grace said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

you are so right that we must watch out what we wish for, because is great to work when we were young but now we want to enjoy life with the family, stay at home grandmothers to be available for our grandchildren, it will be great to work at home, but we can enjoy home because we have money to pay the bills, yes know at 59 I want to stay calm because I am afraid that time is passing so fast,

granny in long johns's avatar granny in…
granny in long johns said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I admire you, wow have you ever had a life.  It's marvellous that you have the skill to manage as much as you do.  But when that many people are involved I think the key is designation.  In any heirarchy there has to be power sharing.  Instead of running everything you could designate specific areas of responsibility.  I don't know your details so it's hard to be more than general in my remarks but I have learned that employees love to have their input and jurisdication about their jobs.

buzzingbee 's avatar buzzingbe…
buzzingbee said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I was the breadwinner for most all of my life, until health problems put an end to that.  I can't imagine not wanting to be in charge of my life and to do my best to care for others.  Why would anyone not want to make the most money, it is not a power game, it is doing what you do and doing it well.

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secondlife's avatar secondlif…
secondlife said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I have always found it so interesting that many women want to be paid as much as men, have the same respect and responsibility in the workplace, yet still complain because they HAVE to work and can't stay home with the children!  I have been the only breadwinner, and supporter of my family, for my entire adult life.  I successfully raised 2 daughters, with zero help from a deadbeat husband.  Did I make sacrifices?  Yes.  Am I paid the respect and salary of a man who is also tops in my field?  Yes.  Don't you think many fathers also would like to spend more time with their children.

Be proud of what you have accomplished.  You may be surprised at how much respect your family and children have for you, even though you're not spending 100% of your time caring for them and the home. 

dfarris31651's avatar dfarris31…
dfarris31651 said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I have become the breadwinner, not by my choice but by his.  He quit a job and is now working at a area casino for less than half of what he used to make.  I am not happy about the change.  I do not mind making really good money doing what I do, but I mind his flipant attitude.  Also since he made the job change he has started treating me poorly, not physically more emotionaly.  I do believe that this marriage has ended and I need to move on.  I agree with Reality Mary when she said she is "the one who NEEDS" to work now.

domesticnana's avatar domesticn…
domesticnana said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I guess I 'm sounding like I'm complaining.  I just get overwhelmed with it all.  I have talked to a personal coach this year to realize what my strengths and weaknesses are.  I always thought alot of my weaknesses are really strengths that I have.  I have changed when it comes to delegating, I just feel like I'm losing some time with my grandchildren.  They all live in driving distance but they are in different states.  I own a fast food franchise and in our company with 1200 stores there are less than 100 women.  Its very male dominating and old school when it comes to women.  I feel like I'm a pioneer for other young women. I'm proud of what I've accomplished and where I'm going.  I just wish I knew how to figure time management better.  I want to do it all, but there just isn't enough time. 

sunflower1912's avatar sunflower…
sunflower1912 said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

sounds like you're doing an amazing job.  I think as working women we never have enough time for it all.  

essentially_solo's avatar essential…
essentially_solo said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I have been the primary bread winner all my adult life, even when I was married, my work brought home the bacon not his.  Now I am on my own, children grown and living their own lives, I have taken on even more work to fill my days.... it is good work, and I make a difference in people's lives.  I have never expected to be taken care of, not even when I was a teenager before entering the workforce did I ever expect that some knight in shining armor would come and whisk me away to a pampered life.

Be proud of what you accomplish, and if you are not happy with your situation, then change it, don't let it overwhelm you and say you can do nothing about it.  You are obviously a strong woman, but no one, and i do mean NO ONE can do "it all".  So you must do what you really desire to do, othewise what are you working for?  Live your life, do not just exist.

domesticnana's avatar domesticn…
domesticnana said to essentially_solo 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

I've always been a independant woman and wanted to be able to take care of myself no matter what the circumstance, I just thought I would not be the sole supporter of our family.  I didn't  think  at this age, I would be going to meetings  know ing I can be the mother of any of these other business owners.  And yet I'm still in competition with them if I want to move up in the company.  I have children their ages and they all fully support me and call me mom, but sometimes I feel like maybe they might think its a joke.  Sometimes I just want to quit and open a little mom and pop resturant on the beach somewhere with great food and a great fun atmosphere. Then I feel like I've worked so hard to get here why should I give it all up?  When I read all of this, maybe I don't know what I want.  Your right, live your life, do not just exist!!!  I love it, I really need to figure this out.  Thanks.

Lynnette's avatar Lynnette
Lynnette said to domesticnana 02/03/2010, 02:41AM new!

i have always been the one that makes the most money.  However, i would like to be taken care of completely one of these days, but still have my own money to do what i want w/o having to ask. 

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