Everyone who has posted is so right. The financial ducks in a row is important --- if it is possible. Or, if the abuse is physical abuse, RUN. Your kids are not a shield any more; there is no one there to hear you scream. Or to hear you die. Go to a woman's shelter --- they protect identity and location so don't advertise where they are, but 411 (information) can give you the number to an abuse hotline. So can the phone book or the internet, but 411 is the fastest. If the first operator doesn't help you, call back. You'll find a woman who will.
Separating you from friends is part of an abuser's strategy. You are not alone once you leave and get to a shelter. I admire your courage in posting this. You are not alone in your experience! It's normal to feel some shame about what has happened. It's ok. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There are plenty of women out there who have experienced what you are experiencing. You'll share with other women who have experienced what you have, and find that you are not alone. There will be friends again.
If the abuse is mental and emotional, get out as soon as you can, anyway. Notabby has some great advice. Organize the stuff you want to take in with the pretext of spring cleaning. He'll probably change the locks when you go, and taking your name off the bank accounts and cards is standard, so expect it. Buy a beautiful bedspread and tuck it in a closet, so you can look forward to using it on your own bed every time you look at it. When you use your debit card, pull out some extra cash each time, and hide it. A wise older woman once told me, "Every woman should have her own cash that no one else knows about, well hidden." And GO. Just GO. Life turns a new page, I promise.
I keep getting the feeling it is physical, and he might sense what you're doing. If so, all the possessions don't matter. You'll end up buying new stuff. Throw some clothes in the car if you can, and just leave. Or just leave to go to the store, call 411 to find a shelter, and don't go back.
Take ten minutes. Imagine how it will feel to be free of him. It will feel wonderful. Look in the mirror, tell your younger and current self you love them. Tell yourself you have value. You are strong to have survived. Repeat an affirmation at least 20 times: "I am brave, I am strong, I am free. I am divorcing my husband." Not "I'm". I AM. And leave.
There is a circle of abuse. There is the "honeymoon period", where he is all sweet and sorry and you may believe it will get better, or may just enjoy the relief. There is the building period, when you know it is coming and may even start it to get it over with it. Then there is the eruption. He does whatever he does, and you respond however you respond. Then there is the honeymoon period again. After you've left, don't fall for the promise of the honeymoon period. Ignore the plea's, the I'm sorry's. Save the anger for talking about it with other women, or take it out physically by walking or working out (if possible). You know it doesn't work to try to change him. Statistically it gets worse for women who go back. Don't.
It's so hard to say more without knowing your physical and financial circumstances! I do hope you keep in touch with all of us, and let us know you're ok. I'm sure I'm not alone at VN in worrying about you!
