If only.....
you had waited for real love to come along, and had loved yourself more, you would have not gone through the hell you did. Your kids would not have gone through the hell they did.
you had just been yourself and loved who you were you would have lived a totally different life.
you had kept on in school you would have gotten a musical scholarship to college.
you would have stayed the course and instead of seeing walls and sitting down and crying, you would have kicked up your heels and busted them down.
Life would have been different....but then again.....
you would not have made the SAME mistakes.....but you would have made DIFFERENT mistakes that you would have had to lived with. sooooooooo......
get on with it....live and learn.....live and love..and God will be there for you when you decide to move towards Him.