I am going to be 55 on October the 1st.  That is the age that my mother was when she died. I don't know what she died from, there was never an autopsy done because she died in a different state that it wasn't a law that one be done in. Anyway, my sister and my dad were against there being one done. The just didn't want her cut all open and took apart. Now my sister wishes that she would have done different. I have had breast cancer, we think that is what she died from. From some kind of cancer anyway. My brother was there when she passed on he said she had the smell of cancer around her. He had worked in hospitals so I guess he knew what cancer smelled like when someone had a bad case of it. I just would have liked to know why she died.  So, I have always had this feeling that I will die shortly after my 55th birthday like she did.  I also have had a heart attack last November. I have Multiple Seclrosis and Fibromyalgia. I am Bi-Polar and Manic Depressive. And I have Agoraphobia. That is where I lock myself in my room and do see anyone or talk with anyone. I don't leave the house or get into a car. I get terrified out side in the open places, and riding in the car. At the stores it feels like all of the merchandise that is stacked up high is going to fall over on top of me. I have had to leave my cart just sitting in the store, I don't know how many times. I get imbarrased and start sweating. By the time I get out of there my hair looks like I just got out of a shower. It is a weird phobia. So, that tells you about me. I am a really messed up person sometimes.  But, most of the time, I feel  pretty good if I get the combination of medications. Just a few weeks ago, I was ready to kill myself, all because I wasn't on one of my medications. Called the Phsychiatrist and he called in one of my old medications. Within 4 days I was back to my normal self. I climed out of the deep dark hole and came back into the lighted world.  Most people don't even know that there is anything wrong with me. With my diseases you can't tell anything is wrong unless I am using  my cane or a scooter at the store, then they look at me like, she is just a fat lady and needs  to lose weight then she wouldn't have to be on that scooter. If they only knew. Sometimes people do ask, and when I tell them that I have MS and Fibromyalgia they are completly different towards me. So, my life is grand. I have a wonderful husband that still loves me after being together for 37 years. Man he has had to take a lot of crap from me! I have a daughter and a son. And grandchildren and the inlaws that go with them and the step grandchildren. Life is good. I am happy. I am going on a vacation to see my (sister) girlfriend that I haven't seen in geeze I don't know how many years about 20 atleast. This will be the third vacation with my husband in all of our years together. We used to do little weekend trips this time of the year alone with out the kids years ago to go look at the leaves but we haven't done that in atleast 15 years. Don't know why we  quit. Probably because of the money. But, I am going to see my little sister one way or another. With or without him. I am so excited! I am nervous about seeing her and meeting her new husband. But, I know that we will have a great time. So, there ya go. I will fill the blanks in later.