Thats me in the middle.  I am the oldest living of the siblings.  I had a sister who passed away 11 years ago from lung cancer/brain tumor.

I was born in 1953 so that makes me 56 years old and I cant believe it that I am that old.  I am an avid reader and I am always reading about the older people who are the parents or grandparents and they are usually my age or younger. 

All and all I am really pretty content with where I am in my life now.  I have a great family, husband and children, and grandchildren.  They are my life.

It has been a long time coming for me to reach feeling content with my life.  Mainly due to some bad stuff happening when I was a young child and me never telling anyone until I was grown.  Then I married into an abusive situation in my late 20's.  Being raised in a real dysfunctional life made me think that was the way life was for everyone and I actually thought I deserved that too.

It took me a long time to feel like I deserved better and I met a great guy who I have been married to for 11 years now.  I have two girls and he has two boys and we have a total of 8 grandkids so far. 

In the past 10-15 years I lost alot of my family and friends.  First a fiance, my grandmother, my sister, a cousin, my best friend,  my step dad, and the worst thing I ever have dealt with losing my Mom two days before Xmas unexpectedly.  We were just so close and I have had the hardest time with that.

On top of that, all my family is in Tn.  We live in a pretty small area and I had quit my job to have some minor surgery and then Mom got sick for about a year on and off so I was going back and forth to Tn some and seeing the grandkids often.  But when Mom passed, I went through such I depression, I dont know how I made it out of it.  It had to be some inner strength and my faith in GOD that helped me.  I had not even found a church in this area because all my free time, I was going back and forth to Tn.  So I did not have that to fall back on.

Well here I am a couple of years later and going through these years have been really rough but like I said I am here and I am still kicking. 

I have to talk to myself and do some positive reading some and call my Aunts often.  I talk to my daughters alot too.  The thing is its hard to understand unless you have gone through the loss of the person who you were so close to, the person who was the most significant in your childhood and adulthood as well. 

I spend alot of time with the grandkids.  Also my daughters and I spend alot of time together.  We usually have  a trip or two where we do something a day or more also and this time is just a treasure to me.  We went to Gatlinburg a year ago and then this year to Nashville to stay in the Opryland Hotel.  My daughter and one of my sisters and I went to a Joyce Meyer Seminar and then hung out with two of my Aunts, a couple of my cousins and we just had so much fun.  It was one of those things Mom and I talked about doing, all of us meeting up in Nashville(halfway point for most of us), and spending a day or so together.  Unfortunately we never followed through with it while she lived.  But I was not really sad while we were there cause I know Mom was there with us in spirit. Mom was a person who loved life, she had fun where ever she went and was the center of attention.  She would have been right there cutting up with the rest of us. Although, I still miss her so much every day and the holidays coming up are somewhat dreaded, I know she would want us to all be happy.  I talked to my self and said, okay, you can either be happy and sad about everything that has happened and everyone and everything that has hurt you or you can let that go and be happy and I chose to be happy.  I still have to talk to myself and remind myself sometimes tho.

One of my favorite sayings is" Judge not lest you be judged". The other is " If Life is not exactly the PARTY you planned on having, while you are here, you mind as well dance." Author unknown.  That pretty much sums up how I feel now, about life, it hasnt really been the way I planned it but I am going to enjoy every day I have left doing things I enjoy and/or with the ones who mean the most to me. I am thankful to GOD that he has blessed me with the family and friends that I have and that he is there if I need him.