I grew up in a suburb of Chicago, the second child (an "Irish Twin") of 4 - three girls and the youngest was a boy.   My parents were together until my father passed away 10 years ago.  Materially, we had all we needed, but emotionally we did not.   Dad drank daily, mom yelled a lot.  However we had some wonderful vacations, going camping all over the country.  I was a shy child, quiet, but had a good high school experience with a group of friends, all of us involved in the theatre. 

I started drinking right before graduation & became immediately addicted to booze, did a lot of drugs in the 70's and early 80's also.....   when I was 19 I got pregnant, and at 20 the baby was premature and died.  I spent a lot of crazy time in the city going to bars, concerts, being promiscuous, changing jobs, taking classes then quitting school.....  My brother died in '85.   He was beat up & drowned in Lake Michigan.   I drank alone a lot after that.  

At the age of 30 I finally got help, joined AA and went to therapy.  I have been in therapy on & off since.  I am now sober over 20 years.  It took another year to quit smoking pot, since that was a daily escape.  There was a lot of other trauma during the drinking years I won't go into now. 

I've always worked (mostly office jobs), took care of myself more or less.... and for a while I lived with a man and we started & ran a group home for women.  Then I went back to school & graduated from college at the age of 40.  I became a substance abuse counselor for adolescents & loved it.  The kids were tough and I loved them, but after 5 years I was worn out. I went to graduate school for social work, got my Master's degree at age 48, and have been working in health care/social services since then but would like to work with youth again, or something along the lines of developing youth programs. 

You know, your life didn't turn out (so far) like you dreamed it would.  But the most important thing is that you became stronger than you ever thought you could be.   You have also found many answers, although there are always more questions. You have not overcome all the fears, but you have become wise -- and you are still young.