It was in the wee hours of the early morning three days before Christmas in 1959 a little girl sailed into the world to live amongst a sea of brothers. Her father, Massey, so excited he finally had a daughter, made the nurses check three times. Once satisfied they were telling him the truth, he quickly left the hospital in Summerside, Prince Edward Island, to wake up the entire neighbourhood with the passing out of cigars, his face beaming with joy and pride. Her mother, Jeanne, excited about having received an early Christmas present cried tears so warm they would have melted all of the winter snow that year. Holding the tiny angelic hands in her own she had no way of knowing then they will still be holding hands 49 years later when she took her final breath of life. Just as she was there to see her daughter into the world, this tiny babe would one day be there to complete the circle of life and see her on her way to her next journey. So on that cold morning in December a bond was created that would one day lead them through many life challenges together. It would only be months after the mother’s passing when the daughter would truly come to recognize and understand the wonder and magnificence of how our universe works.

Yes that was me, Bonita C Cotter, passing on what I know about the morning I was born to my parents on December 22^nd, 1959. I have come to believe I made a choice to pick them as my mentors. Life has not always been easy and there have been times when I questioned that decision but to this end I am in the right place having experienced all I need to begin this new half century of life. It is now “As it is, perfectly imperfect!” and I am one step closer to becoming the woman I was destined to be on that morning. Without the challenges I have faced I would not be in this place so I am forever grateful to be where I am!

After I was born, I quickly had to find my own voice amongst the family as the only girl with four brothers. My mother got sick early on and I spent much of my young life caring for the family. My father was a womanizing alcoholic who often came home in a drunken stupor with lipstick on his collar and little money for the bills. I remember many times packing his bags and pleading with my mom to put him out of the house. Finally at the age of 16 he left and I remember the relief we all felt. For years, I remember carrying a lot of anger towards my dad. During my life experience I have forgiven my dad knowing he did what he was capable of doing at the time. I am also the woman I am because of him and I am grateful to be able to see the blessings instead of the pain.

I left school in grade 10 to become a hairdresser. In retrospect, I think I just wanted to get away from all the responsibly I found at home. On September 18^th, 1987, I gave birth to an amazing young man who has been an inspiration in my life’s evolution. It was in the summer of 1988, while trying to convince another single mom to return to school that I took my own advice and enrolled at ST. FX University to become a teacher.  I graduated in 1992 from St FX with a Bachelor of Education and decided to begin my teaching career in a little community in a small northern community in British Columbia. So at the age of five, my son and I moved north.  Life in Takla was challenging. There was so much heartache and pain among families, with many children suffering from the effects of their parent’s alcohol addiction. It motivated me to bring my son home to NS to be surrounded by a loving supportive family the following year.

I substituted in the schools but soon came to know I wanted to work with the parents of my students. I knew that with education opportunities and personal awareness building they would stand a better chance of providing a more stable life for their families. It was here I came to find my passion; motivating and inspiring people to live their best lives. When I am in this role it simply takes my breath away because it was what I was born to do on that cold December morning wrapped up in my mother’s arms.

How did you get to where you are now?

I literally watched my mother die yet on the day she left us I was fortunate to see her pass from a world of pain to a new world of peace. Many would not understand this, but I consider it a privilege to have been there when she took that last breath. I held one hand and my baby brother held the other as slowly strained breathing became quiet and peacefulness took over that frail little body of hers. I miss her terribly and now it is my tears that could melt the winter snow but I am grateful the Universe allowed me to be there in her transition. It has changed me forever as a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

How do you see yourself differently now than you did 10 years ago?

Having walked away from my career in September of 2008 to look after my mother in her final days, I have changed from the woman I was 10 years ago. While, I have always been a soul who is compassionate and empathetic to the circumstances of others, I did not always live in the present moment. There were times when I felt sorry for myself and wished for what others had. I now hold the belief I was responsible for my life decisions and I alone created my life experience.

This past year has been the most challenging of all. Losing my mother has affected me profoundly just as it would any woman. Yet with the grief has come many blessings. I think that is the irony of opposites. For every challenging experience there also exists a key to witnessing and creating something beautiful.

It has not been as easy as I would have thought getting back to work. For the past three months I have lived with no income except for the selling of clay jewellery. I began making my own jewellery because I wanted something original and unique to me.

Here is the blessing. The making of the clay jewellery lead to the creation of what I have since come to call Kindness in Your Pocket Heartpasses. Now I have always been a person who likes to validate others for their generosity and kind acts. I have come to find we do not do this enough for each other.

While my mom was sick I started making the heartpasses as a way to thank people who were good to us. She used to love to soften the clay for me and I took a picture of heart hands holding the first heart I made for her was she was sick in the hospital.

Heartpasses are small clay designer hearts, each as individual as our own hearts. I used to pass them out to the many nurses and caregivers who came in to help me with my mom. I then started giving them to people I would come across on my daily travels. They are travelling hearts meant to journey a path of kindness from person to person to person. They have played a great role in the grieving process for me because never do I make one or extend one when I don’t feel the love I shared with my mother

 

 

 

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

On one of my travels to St FX Universtiy I passed on a heartpass to a friend. Shortly after I was asked to tell the story of the small hearts at the beginning of a respect campaign for the resident students. I was also asked to make a heart for each student and present it to them after the short workshop.

At first I had a difficult time deciding because it was never my intention to sell the little hearts. Yet I was not not working so I also knew the universe offers opportunities when we are open to them. In that moment I also felt my mother and my brother who passed away three years ago guiding me on a new journey so I said yes. It was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my lifetime. In my pocket I carried both my mom's wedding rings and a special puzzle ring that belonged to my brother. To say I felt their presence that day would be an understatement. I know they stood with me as I told my story.

The highlight of the experience came from the hugs and respect I received from the students and staff. I have never been more proud of my little hearts and their story of kindness.

I knew in that moment one of my life purposes was to spread the magic of kindness. If you want to find out more about the hearts please travel across cyber space to a website created from the heart of a stranger. It is called Where the Heart Goes and you will find it at www.wheretheheartgoes.com.

I hope in the next time ten years these little hearts will continue to lead me on the journey to live my best life and inspire others along the way. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. The wonder is that each of our stories are connected and living your best life is easier when you support your sisters in this world.

With Gratitude and Heart,

Bonita Cotter

Some of your best conversations will take place when you invite "SILENCE" to be your listening partner! So pull up a chair and listen often.

It is a given my mother was truly one of my greatest role models. She taught me things I wanted in life as well as those things I did not want.

My family and friends have been key to getting me to where I am in this moment, for their presence in my life has been as constant as the North Star.

One of my greatest role models has been Oprah but not because of her celebrity. It is because she has reminded me about the important things, especially the importance of extending yourself in kindness. She has also introduced me to some guests who have had a great influence in my life such as young Mattie Stephanic who blessed us with his Heartsongs and Mitch Albom who shared the story of Morrie Schwartz. Both Mattie and Morrie, although no longer with us in this physical world continue to inspire us with words of truth and love.

I have been influenced by the many students I have worked with over the years. One can only be in a state of amazement when witnessing the courage of people who have survived against all odds.

I am grateful for the role models in my life to date and anxious to meet those in my future, Life is truly "Awe Inspiring!"