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The hard way...but now, I'm in a pretty good spot.
I am functional; reasonably sane; much more loving and open. Definitely more honest about and to myself. I'm happier, friendlier, funnier. A much better friend, better mother and - defintely - a better wife. I have moments of being extraordinary.
Even busier than now. Hopefully, none of the kids will live with us (!) so we can have "old people sex" whenever we want! However, I will always have time for grandkids - if they're all as good as the first!
It will be harder than you can imagine, but in the end, it's all worthwhile. Don't blame yourself for everything.
Smile..."it's all good" (that's a phrase I learned from one of (our) kidz.